Chapter One of Making Lemonade A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce


His Divorcing Vows

I heard the divorcing tone as he recited his vows. I thought I found my fairy tale. For me, it was a once in a lifetime love; for Steve, now my ex-husband, it was a financial arrangement.


At the stroke of the twelfth year of our marriage, my carriage turned back into a pumpkin and my horses into mice. Illusion crumbled, and reality of what my marriage was came to pass, a nightmare masquerading as a fairy tale.

I wanted to sue Disney for false advertising, maybe even my fairy godmother. Our marriage was like living in a snow globe. It all seemed perfect with the pristine water, the white virgin flakes of snow swirling around a home filled with love and peace, and evil could not penetrate the protective glass bubble. But loneliness marred the crystalline world, eating, devouring my perfect illusion. Reality drank up the lies I told myself all those years and exposed us for what we really were. The pure water was nothing but tears of frustration and heartache; everything inside, cheap plastic pretending to be a home. Glass slippers were stripped from my feet, my home given to another.

This book is my journey and growth through an unhealthy marriage, a devastating divorce and a celebration of my new and wonderful life that God bestowed upon me. I hope that in the lines of my testimony you will find answers for your own life and learn to live free, healed and victorious. Sadly, bad things happen to good people, and we have to learn that the bad things are only occurrences or incidents during our expedition.

I met Steve in college. We sat next to each other in a math class and spoke only once until one fated day during finals he found me sitting in the library.

Growing out of my awkward appearance, I never thought I would find someone. Geeky and shy in school, I never dated and was treated cruelly. I felt special to have him in my life and to be loved by someone.

As our relationship grew, Steve enveloped me in compassion and understanding; he elevated me. Cinderella met her prince, and she was ready for her happily ever after. He was six years older than I was and found my innocence alluring and respected my virginity and inexperience. He filled the hole in my heart, and I felt complete. After a childhood of emptiness and disappointment, I was hungry for love, and Steve was there at the right moment to offer it.

One night, after work, Steve shared his previous life. While he was in Florida serving in the Air Force, he married a young girl who recently divorced her husband and had custody of her two children. They were deeply in love, but unfortunately, they were divorced within seven months for her ex-husband guilt-tripped her into keeping the family together. Wanting to be a good mom, she sacrificed her love for Steve and went back to her husband.

A few months later, Steve’s enlistment with the Air Force was completed. Divorced and devastated, he returned home to pursue a degree in Nursing. She confessed to Steve that she made a terrible mistake by divorcing him and intended to leave her husband again after their children were grown. She insisted he needed to get on with his life and not wait for her.

Steve told me he loved her and wanted her more than anyone in the world. I deserved to know the whole truth about him. In hindsight, I should have kicked him out of the car. Instead, my compassion took over.

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