If you've mentally moved on from a current relationship and don't want to be bothered with the details (i.e. taking the energy to tell them) then let the guys over at IDUMP4U gently (ha!) break the news. All you do is log onto their site (idump4u.com), enter your soon-to-be-ex's number and a description as to why you want out, and voila—you're single, baby. Breaking Up By Text Is Becoming Waaaay More Common
Your ex will answer the phone to a guy identified as "Bradley" who will plug the site, relay the "you're dumped" message and drill in the concept to the poor sap who will flap about like a fish out of water for several minutes. The receivers all giggle at first and assume it's all an elaborate joke (it's not—is it?), but then must arch an eyebrow when this Brad character knows, er, certain personal things (sweatpants, bad gas, weight gain, what have you). Regardless, many hang up the phone not fully believing the news. After all, who would? Being dumped by a stranger who calls your cell and sounds like he should have his own radio show isn't exactly a par-for-the-course split. Break Up Etiquette: Dividing Your Friends
If anything, this dumping scheme seems it would cause even more soap opera-like drama. Just imagine the flurry of calls, texts, e-mails and dating disaster tales that would abound after a call from Brad over at IDUMP4U. Dating Disaster: He Said I Looked Like…
While technology has certainly allowed for breaking up to take on an inhumanely detached tone (finding out via Facebook relationship status, Twitter, etc), this certainly ushers in a new era of spinelessness. Though we doubt anyone over the emotional age of 20 would ever stoop to this level. Note the number of times Bradley says "campus" in each of these conversations. College. Probably your best choice for variety.