We recently explored why 24's Jack Bauer would make a really terrific husband. And then it dawned on me that an awful lot of people who get close to Jack Bauer wind up injured, jailed or dead. When I wrote about why you'd want to marry Jack Bauer, I saw the glass as half full; I should have remembered that Jack Bauer only sees the glass as a tool for getting a terrorist to confess. That doesn't sound like someone you'd want to be married to at all. Read: 5 Reasons Why Jack Bauer Is A Great Husband
Here are five more reasons why you would not want to be married to Jack Bauer:
1. Jack Bauer holds a grudge. It's said that men forget but never forgive and women forgive but never forget; Jack Bauer neither forgets nor forgives. And that is a tough man to live with.
2. Jack Bauer is ALWAYS right. Sure, he's always right in his own mind, but he's also actually always right. Hearing a dozen implied or actual I-told-you-so's every day is not endearing. That is a tough man to live with. Read: Foolproof Way to Resolve Every Argument
3. Jack Bauer takes everything very seriously. Sure, he smiles and will occasionally say something clever, but Jack Bauer has a lot on his mind. The man has so much blood on his hands; how can he sit back and enjoy How I Met Your Mother? That is a tough man to live with.
4. Jack Bauer is always on the job. Even when he's retired, informants with bloody gun wounds call him about plots to kill foreign leaders. You never know if Jack Bauer will come home at night. That is a tough man to live with.
5. Jack Bauer is always in such a rush. It takes a gal a little while to put herself together—you know, put on her face, get put together and put her best foot forward. Having a guy say, "We don't have enough time, we have to save the president!" over and over doesn't make you go faster. That is a tough man to live with.
Little known fact about Jack Bauer: He still rents VHS cassettes; rewinding is his only chance to be kind.
Image via Fox.com