One of my all-time favorite comedians is a fellow named Michael Ian Black. You may know him from the hilariously strange MTV hit The State. His preferred medium of delivering the funny is now Twitter (twitter.com/michaelianblack). Recently, he asked, "How come we can put a man on the moon but can't invent a realistic d***-sucking machine?" Well, Michael Ian Black, your dreams may have been fulfilled. Read: Scientist Predicts Sex And Marriage To Robots
Per the blokes and birds at the Huff-Po, a machine now exists solely for male pleasure, and it's surprisingly affordable. It's called the Roxxy Sex Robot, and it retails for a mere $7,000 to $9,000. (Okay. So when you see a mean price of $8,000 for an elaborate sexing machine, "affordable" may not be the right word but, compared to the fiscal and emotional impact of dating—particularly dating badly—it's a bargain.) Read: More Sex With Robots
In addition to strongly resembling a buxom, WASP-y character actress in need of comeuppance (whose name escapes me), the Roxxxy Sex Robot also has speech capabilities, allowing for pleasant, post-sex chatting. True Companion (TrueCompanion.com), the makers of Roxxxy, wanted to provide guys with more than the old in-and-out. They also wanted to give men someone who could listen to their "hopes, fears and brilliances" [sic]. After all, many dudes who visit a pro are really more into the talky-talky than the friction cum fluid expulsion.
Is it just me, or is there something about sex products marketed toward men that is decidedly creepy? To paraphrase Mr. Ian Black, we've been able to put a man on the moon; is there no way to make a sex toy for men that is at least as wholesome as a vibrator? Read: What Do Men Think About Vibrators?
I should now probably post a clip from Blade Runner or some other robot-porking film (or Swedish pop star Robyn's colab with Royksopp "The Girl And The Robot") but, instead, you get Michael Ian Black's Captain Monterey Jack.