7. You can be excited when I go up a cup size from birth control or pregnancy (weird coincidence, eh?). But please remember there is a person attached to those new fun bags, and you liked that girl before she grew.
8. Forget you ever learned the word "saggy."
9. Do not make fun of any other woman's rack. They're tits; you get what you get—even if that involved a saline purchase.
10. There may come a time when my cleavage may need some lubrication ... wink, wink. But under no circumstances should you spit directly at them. Too close to the face.
11. Just like when you were in line in preschool, don't push! Or pull too much for that matter. They're flesh! Try a nice massage. Yes, yes, that's it.
12. Bras are never really comfortable, even the ugly ones.
13. Focus on the nipple. Our boobs are giant tempting play lumps, but stay centered like the Pink thing pointing straight at you.
14. If our nipples aren't hard, what you're doing isn't working. Sound familiar?
Written by Simcha Whitehill for The Frisky