Holy comments, batman! When Michael Shnayerson wrote his 12 Relationship Red Flags, you wrote back with your own admendments, criticisms and red flags. Also, a lot of you like ketchup on your eggs.
I spent over 2 years in a relationship with a guy who met about 10 of these. I kept thinking that I could deal with them, but over time, I realized that he wasn't worthy of me. I had little dating experience and thought that I could never do better than him. We lived together for over a year after the breakup after a stupid lease agreement we couldn't get out of and I am finally in my own house that I bought. He met the love of his life and shared a lot of personal info that if I was the new love of his life's spot, would dump him in a moment for sharing with an ex. He also tried to blame me for a lot of his problems when the new girlfriend broke up with him about 5 or 6 times. I wanted him to find someone as idiotic as he was, but it still bugged me because I realized I was a great catch and some guy would be happy to have me. I discovered that I am worthy of being loved for me and not because he feels that he will never have a home. I wanted a partner and ended up with a kid that would be more work that one I would give birth to.
I agree w/ you, it's not stupid or foolish or selfish to decide to not date someone because they have a financial obligation to their ex or because the kids are ill behaved and not controlled or the ex is a complete nut job. The main reason is because if you decide to remain in a relationship w/ this person, you will have all of his/her obligations and baggage impacting your life together and if you aren't willing to sacrifice some of your wants for the needs of someone elses kids, then don't get involved.
Let me start by saying this was a total ingornat, narcissistic, insane, and obvious non-parent that wrote this article. Ketchup on eggs?? I think you seeing a single, struggling, bad-parenting mother as "hott" is sick. That comment only showed how mentally infantile you are, which should be a red flag for any self respecting woman. Maybe that is why you have spent the last 30 years dating and not being married and starting your own family. You focus on all the very small crap that doesn't make a person who they are. A person is not what they eat but rather thier beliefes, morales and thier heart. I only agree with a few things. How a person treats waiters/servers, thier dirty laundry and maybe money. I definatly agree with a lot of other people who have commented. I myself am I single mother and I am very independant. I work two jobs and recieve no child support...BECAUSE I CHOOSE NOT TOO!!
I am chronically late. It isn't a lack of respect or self-esteem. It's just poor time-management skills.
Also, being a young mother myself, I would much rather be late to something than neglect the needs of my child for the sake of punctuality. If she suddenly needs a change as I am about to walk out the door, everything gets dropped and she gets changed NOW. If she suddenly decides she's hungry when I'm getting ready, she gets fed NOW. Babies are impulsive little things. They don't understand schedules or the idea of being somewhere on time. When they're so little, they can't be spoiled just by attending to their basic needs.
I have incredibly high self-esteem. I think I am a great mother and girlfriend. I think I am worth waiting 10 minutes for. I have no idea what "studies" you are quoting from, but whatever "scientists" conducted them must have been pulling those "statistics" out their behinds. My lack of organizational skills do not mean I hate myself or the person I am regrettably making wait.
Okay, here are MY DEALBREAKERS - I hope you all find them useful:
1. Rude to waiters, etc. I agree with the author on this one.
2. Judgemental and critical of others all the time.
3. Tells all of his problems on the first date.
4. Blames all of his problems on other people.
5. Gay-basher or any-other-group basher. (not respectful of others)
6. Goes overboard on the foul language - anything more than the occasional curse word.
7. Name-dropper or the kind that always tells you how much something costs.
8. Can't hold an intelligent conversation and is not interested in anything educational.
9. Hates kids, or does not understand that sometimes you have to turn down a date because of something to do with your kids.
10. Abusive to animals. Kicks cats.
THOSE are the RED FLAGS I would run from. No doubt.
"Chronic lateness" means 10 minutes late? I never would have even met some of my nicest partners if THAT was a red flag. I just learned to tell them they needed to show up a half an hour before they really did.
Rudeness to waiters -- spot-on. A Great red flag.
Fling-o-matics -- I guess it depends on what you want. Three months, on occasion, has been exactly what I wanted and what I got.
Demon children -- spot-on again. Never worth it.
Bad sex -- the ultimate deal-breaker. Most people don't know the difference until they've been around a bit, though. When I was 25, there was no such thing as bad sex.
Red Flag 2 me would be someone who publishes an article such as this. Opinions are great but sometimes they are better kept to one's self. Everyone is different and we all need to learn from our own experiences. Generalizations are weak, cruel and prejudice.
I hope this author spends the same amount of time analyzing his own weaknesses and lifestyle as he does in perspective partners! He began with a comment about D's parenting skills but I lost all respect when I read the Ketchup on Eggs comment then the Bad Sex comment. Maybe you might acknowledge that it takes TWO to have poor sex and maybe she is red-flagging YOU on another site or blog. I would love to read that one.
See what all the fuss is about. Read the article and let us know what you think.