Maybe it doesn’t affect others the same. But for those who say it
doesn’t, that they can shut everything off and not feel anything, I
wonder if they’re so numb inside that they don’t even know how it’s
affecting them. Or that they seek these relationships because they are
safe and contained. I can say, honestly, that I think all both of these
options have applied to me. Sorry, but I’m calling bullshit on anyone
who says that they’ve never experienced or wondered any of this while
engaging in a no strings relationship. Yes, I think it’s delusional to
believe these relationships are mutually beneficial. They just aren’t
most of the time. At least not for women. Women find a great lover and
we hold on to them because we know their value. The idea of going on
some sexual safari just to find one guy who isn’t crazy, isn’t taken,
is well endowed (another reason why this search becomes tricky) and who
gets us off is exhausting and a tad scary. Guys? They’ll just go have
sex. Good sex to them is different than good sex to women. Men are
pretty easy to please and often times don’t consider the repercussions
(unless the woman is clearly bat shit crazy). Women…we’re a little
more…high maintenance in that area.
There’s another point that confuses me. Is the sex worth suspending
your disbelief and common sense? Because..people lie. We all do it. And
we’re more likely to do it to someone we don’t care about or to which
we feel obligated. That’s a lot to consider and doesn’t, by my
definition, sound very “no strings.”
And here’s where I’m at. Torn between feeling like I “deserve”
sexual satisfaction and worrying that casual sex will only serve to
keep me further from what I ultimately want – a committed relationship.
I don’t have an issue with going with out. I’ve had long, long dry
spells. I don’t feel Like I “need” to get laid. But I do “need” that
affection and contact. That really was the only reason I kept things up
with my FB for as long as I did. We haven’t had actual intercourse in
months. And that never bothered me, because the affection and the
comfort part was what I really wanted anyway. I’m basically choosing to
date in 2010 without a parachute aka something to cushion the fall.
That’s a little terrifying for me. But I know I want more. I want
something real, that’s as real at 10am as it is at 2am. Sticking with
my FB was not going to help me achieve that goal. I stayed with him as
long as I did, I think, because I was too afraid to date without a
safety net. Sure, I always said to friends that I wanted a
relationship. I’m not so sure I actually meant it until recently.
There’s a song title I’m using for an upcoming piece It’s called No Myth,
based on the Michael Penn song. The tune, told from a man’s
perspective, is about a woman who sort of flits through life, dating
and sleeping with man after man, never settling down with any of them
for whatever reason.
What if I were Romeo in black jeans?/What if I was Heathcliff? It’s no myth/Maybe she’s just looking for someone to dance with.