7 Worst Couples of 2009


Michael Lohan Jon Gosselin gross
You've seen the best. Now here's the rest.

Tila Tequila & Shawne Merriman & Casey Johnson & Everyone

In September, with her reality show canceled, Tila Tequila made another desperate bid for notoriety by accusing her boyfriend, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman, of choking her and imprisoning her in his home. He said he was just trying to stop her from driving drunk. Police declined to file charges against Merriman. Tila closed out the year by announcing her engagement to unstable heiress Casey Johnson and her intention to carry a baby for her brother and his wife. If we had to pinpoint why Tila Tequila bothers us so much, it's probably because she is a caricature of female sexuality and embarrassing on a grand scale, and because her voice is like having a power saw buried in the side of one's head. Oh, and she's furthering the existence of MySpace. New Dating Show Involves A Post-Op Transvestite And A Bunch Of Dudes

Paris Hilton & Cristiano Ronaldo

Is it any coincidence that in the same year that he allegedly bumped uglies with Paris Hilton, Cristiano Ronaldo and Manchester United lost to FC Barcelona in the UEFA Champions League final, he failed to repeat as FIFA's World Player of the Year, and it took until the last day of qualifying for his Portugal squad to clinch a World Cup berth? We don't think so. The Curse of Paris is insidious and far-reaching. Fear her, men of the world, and stay out of her ladyparts. Super Bowl vs. World Cup

Marilyn Manson & Evan Rachel Wood

Evan is a lovely young lady, but we didn't know Thirteen was a documentary about her bad choices with men. First there was Marilyn, then the rumor that she was dating Mickey Rourke, who played her father in The Wrestler, and then she went back to Marilyn. It just makes the skin crawl. Dating Older Men