Sex bloggers Em and Lo have a weekly column called "Wise Guys" where they ask three men (always some variation of single, gay, and married) some hypothetical question women rack their pretty, little heads over. In the past, "Why Do Men Masturbate When They're In A Relationship?" and "My Girlfriend Thinks Porn-Viewing Is A Deal-Breaker."
This week: "Do Men Ever Turn Down Casual Sex?"
All three guys had their own version of "Yes, but only...".
Here's some Cliff's Notes for all of you in the market for no-strings-attached nookie:
1.) Don't Get Too Drunk.
As Straight Married Guy Jaime said: "In my case [whenever I turned down casual sex] it was almost always because the girl was way too drunk. Call me old-fashioned, but there’s just nothing sexy to me about that slack-jawed, half-lidded stare from some girl in a bar who spills most of her drink wobbling over to you to invite you home."
That's a shame. Afterall, that's when casual sex with strangers seems like the best idea.
2.) Get Rid Of All Emotions.
As Straight Single Guy Chris said: "The number one reason given [for turning down casual sex], “That bitch was crazy!” It’s really simple. Guys love casual sex when it is actually casual. If the chances of the girl going sideways and stalking, calling every day thereafter, or crying hysterically is too high, the risk to reward ratio is simply not good enough to take the chance."
Most women very rarely act like this (rather it's the fear of such behavior that really haunts men like Chris), so the best way to think about it: after the sex is over, they're dead to you. Bonus points for erasing their number on the walk of shame. And automatic "A" if you never even took their number.
3.) Hope He Has A Clear Schedule And No Better Options.
As Gay Married Guy Jon said: "The reasons can include just about anything from “I’m too drunk” to “you’re too ugly,” but I find the most common reason guys turn down casual sex is because they’re in or starting a more serious relationship."
4.) Lastly, Try Not To Give Off A "Buggy" Aura.
Jon also said: "To a lesser extent, guys abstain from doing it no-strings to avoid passing on any temporary if nasty bugs. Gotta be clean!"
Got that ladies? Next time you're out and hunting for men, put on your best sober-ish, bug-free, a-few-hours-to-spare, and-no-tears-to shed, game face.
More importantly, let's hope that meaningless roll in the hay was at least half-way good.