Are Some Women Hooked On Dating Alcoholics?
Dating an alcoholic can be terrifying, but also dramatic and emotional—key components of romance.
Ever met someone with a propensity to date alcoholics? This man has, and he thinks some women gravitate towards these out-of-control men.
Lisa's seeing Matt. Matt's an alcoholic. Yet, still, Lisa's seeing Matt.
Maybe it's where I live, but I've known a good many alcoholic men, and it's remarkable how well they do with women. I wasn't shocked that Lisa stuck with Matt for ages; I wasn't surprised how many times she gave him "one last chance" when he swore he was going to stop drinking; I was unastonished at the excuses she made for him, to me and to herself. No, I've seen it all before.
You know what I think? I think some women are alcoholic-oholics. What are they getting out of it? What's their "hit"? Well, there's drama. There's the alluring notion of "rescuing with their love". There's the flood of verbal emotion that men don't do, but drunk men do, do and do again. A skinful turns many a man into that female vote-grabbing romantic hero Heathcliff. True. Read Wuthering Heights. Actually read the book. Heathcliff's a t**t.
Also, Matt got away with the most egregious of acts because he apologised for them, sometimes tearfully. Normal, decent men won't apologise for anything, let alone do so with sobs and pleading. They'll feel sorry, certainly, but apologise? It's demeaning: only a fiend would ask for such a thing. Drunk, a man has no self-respect and less self-control, so the apology card gets played freely.
Visit The Guardian to find out what happened to Lisa.
Discussion
Abusive alcoholic men can be the most charming and genteel men around...sober. My Dad was always thought of as a real great guy...and this 'great guy' would regularly browbeat and verbally abuse his family just for kicks. Why women stick with these men can mostly be summed up in a few words I have heard over and over in Alanon, "When it was good it was blissfully good, the good times never last but they can at least be looked forward to." The sad thing is that most of these "Blissful" times boil down to him not being there or not participating in a family event! You get conditioned to the abuse so that ANY respite becomes a joyfilled time. The reasons that men and women seek out destructive and abusive relationships are as varied as the people themselves. There is no simple answer.
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I am familiar with the alcoholic man pattern, unfortunately I had to deal with it and it took me a while to realize things are wrong. In the end I had him choose: an alcohol rehab program or a life single. What do you think his choice was?
I think that women who date alcoholics are doing it so that they can save them. These are women who are emotionally unstable and get into bad relationships because they think that they can be the ones who will make the man better. But while they spend all of their time trying to make the men better, they let them treat them like crap because one day it will all change. It's all about the maybe factor. I have had friends in unstable relationships and you can't get them out of them. They've got to see for themselves that the relationship is bad and want to get out of it. If you tell them, they'll simply tell you that you're wrong.
