Advice: Do I Tell Her I'm On Viagra?

relationship advice
Love, Sex

Relationship advice isn't easy and sometimes the pros mess up.

There is a boatload of people giving advice on the interweb these days. Some of them are doctors. Some of them are the offspring of advice royalty. Some of them are rascals that have seen a thing or two in this crazy world. And some of them phone it in from time to time. Every couple of weeks, I like to find advice that I'm not thrilled with and FIX IT!

Slate's Dear Prudence (AKA Margo Tenenbaum Margo Howard) has come across a little problem regarding the lil blue pill. It turns out that a man and women have begun dating after their respective marriages of 20 plus years went south. Things are okeedokee (yes indeed-y) but a question about his enhanced stamina arose (sorry, I'm obligated by the Relationships Writers Guild of America to make these obvious jokes). Prudence (or Prudie, as the kids call her) thinks it's an insecurity issue deriving from the fact that they barely know each other. Also, it's OK to keep his Viagra popping a secret.

I'm pretty sure that taking Erectile Dysfuntion medication (ED meds) is nothing to be ashamed of for a man in his late 40s. I think that it's a good idea to keep her posted on things like this. This provides a two-fold benefit: 1) if he goes off the drugs, she won't be shocked by a deflating (ugh, indeed) experience; and 2) if his ticker starts to go during the deed, you want to be able to tell the paramedics not to give him nitrates. His poor heart could explode. Furthermore, spontaneous Priapism may be tough to explain, ("What do you want me to do, cut it off?").

Cary Tennis (on Salon) is one of my favorite advice columnists. He tinkers with the formula constantly and likes to throw in exclamation points, dialogue and is willing to admit he's fallible (the opposite of infallible). But lately there has been a little too much boo-hoo-hoo exposition (it's cool, Cary, I'm convinced everything I do is art). Get to the meat, man. This time around he counsels a young man with a pushy fiancée. Evidently, old boy doesn't bring home enough bacon for the lady of the house but is attending courses to FIX IT! But Mademoiselle Harpy won't get off his back. Cary Tennis says… to be honest, I have no idea what his advice is. I think he says to be strong and figure out what the fiancé's damage is.

Fair enough, I like his inadvertent quote of a Nine Inch Nails song, "Love Is Not Enough," but throwing jewelry across a room is where the line is drawn. Seriously, fetching the baubles, returning them and continuing to buy them is mad co-dependent. Hopefully, she didn't get into this relationship for the money. If so, dating a guy going to school on the GI Bill wasn't a very smart short-term plan. In every worthwhile, long-term power status (the upper-hand and what-what) can drift. Being treated shabbily is not cool. So, uh, be strong and figure out what your fiancé's damage is. Fine, it was good advice.

Amy Dickinson (yes, THE Amy Dickinson) provides some advice on NewsDay.com for a young lady in a bit of a pickle. It turns out that her man has been browsing a dating site. A more accurate way of putting it is that he’s been browsing a few dating sites. And a more accurate way of putting it is he's browsed 23 dating sites in one day. "Yeesh" is the word I’m looking for. Amy Dickinson puts her pants on one leg at a time, just like you or me, and then gives sensible friggin' advice. This time around she goes just short of perfect. Her solution to this "should I stay or should I go" is to begin with a surveillance campaign and follow it with an exit if he's active on any of these sites.

While that is the path of least resistance, I prefer a more direct approach to this humdinger. It is possible that mildly possible that he's one of those dudes that likes admiring the art in a museum but isn't going to have an affair on his Picasso waiting at home. That is unlikely, highly unlikely. If non-monogamy is a deal breaker for you (hey, some people are into the open relationships thing), tell him to buzz off. If he fights for you and is able to demonstrably guarantee that he's only into you (the old "if you love something, let it go" method). Also, I'd like to commend him on his ability to actually find 23 dating sites in a single day. And then chastise him for not covering his own tracks, learn to use a computer, son.

Any thoughts? You guys probably like the old advice better, don't you? It's OK. You're allowed your allowed to like them better.

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