Which TV characters would you invite to your bachelor party?
A bachelor party is a sacred time in a man's life. It represents his last gasp as a footloose and fancy-pantsed dude before he takes the plunge into marriage. The prospect of agreeing to "have" one woman for the rest of your life is, obviously, carte blanche to go to Las Vegas, roll some dice and make a few really bad decisions. And the dudes you bring along can make it a time to remember (because it will not last forever). Choose wisely and keep in mind that a bachelor party snub (for guys) is way worse than not getting invited to the wedding.
Here are 10 characters on TV who'll keep that stag party off the chain but, ideally, not get you knifed:
Brian The Dog (Family Guy): Peter's faithful best friend is erudite, clever, sarcastic and an alcoholic. While he may pretend to be above strip clubs, he ain't. Be careful, he may insist on seeing a show or doing something constructive.
Hank Moody (Californication): In his fictional universe, Hank Moody is one of America's great novelists. He's incredibly clever, can hold his liquor (for the most part) and does well with the ladies. At some point his sense of superiority, both intellectual and moral, may rub someone the wrong way. He may throw a punch at a bouncer if he feels the guy's a power-mad bully with a tiny penis.
Vinnie Chase (Entourage): Vincent Chase is the coolest guy out there. He loves gambling, boozing, skirt-chasing and all that guy sh*t. He gets on well with everyone except condescending German directors (and, sometimes, Seth Green). Even as a super star, he keeps things in perspective. He is pretty sensitive and needs attention. If you leave him at the tables for a late-night Waffle House run, he may be back in LA by the time you finish your grits.
Chris Turk (Scrubs): While JD is a good friend, he's not really much of a dude. On a stag party, you need a guy who'll drink beer, not over-share his feelings and seldom daydream to a score by The Fray. Dr. Chris Turk is your man. He's a consummate wingman and it might be a good idea to have a doctor on hand… to recommend more shots, stat. There's a good chance that JD would insist on coming and so may Nurse Carla.
Dennis Reynolds (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia): Unlike the rest of the gang from Paddy's Pub, Dennis has enough money to get away from Philly for a long weekend in Nevada. He also spent some time in college (if you can call UPenn a college) and seems to be able to hold a conversation up to 30 seconds. His best trait, and possibly biggest liability, is his penchant for "popping" his shirt off as a means to solve problems.
Timmy Riggins (Friday Night Lights): One caveat, I don't get Direct TV so I haven't seen any of Season 4. Although, Timmy Riggins isn't 21, he would be a good guy to bring on a bachelor party (We can scare up an ID, mang). He's accustomed to waking up to beer for breakfast, so that's not an issue. Being friendly with Tyra's family, he probably can handle himself at a strip club. The only problem, other than his age, is his hotheadedness. Someone could get cold-cocked.
Sawyer (Lost): The island's resident rascal. Sawyer has all you need for a bachelor party, the charming southern grifter likes womanizing, beer and cards (he was a conman, ya'll). And the great news is that this cad has an honorable streak and he's got your back in case of a scrap. On the other hand, that shirt's not staying on for long and he may feel under-appreciated and go to Reno and pout.
Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother): You probably thought I was going to put the author of the bro code first, right? While any bachelor party that Barney was part of would be legendary-wait for it-dary, he may be a little too much. Yes, everyone would have a great time and Barney would probably relish in jumping on a grenade or 2, but he may be too intense, too thought-out and too planned. The goal of the stag part is to say yes to everything, even if it's staying in the sports book all day instead of the pool at The Hard Rock, you know?
Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl, not that I watch that show): The young master of Bass Industries was a strong candidate to be first on the list and he may have been a good choice. He's a free spender and would probably bankroll the whole weekend. But lately he's been a bit of a loose cannon, what with the opium and dropping out of high school and whatnot. Unlike Tim Riggins, Chuck Bass' youth doesn't seem like an issue though he might try to buy a casino if a pit boss gets too uppity… eve if that is a new money move all the way.
Jack Donaghy (30 Rock): Jack Donaghy is the Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming for GE. And he would be the best fictional character to bring to a bachelor party. In addition to understanding odds and psychology, he knows how to pace himself and wouldn't be ashamed to drink Hardy Boys (white rum and diet ginger ale) to keep the party going. On top of that, you could probably get the GE jet and may get Tracy Jordan to entertain the party. He's a little sensitive about his modest upbringing and may get called away on some ridiculous errand by his mother.
Don Draper (Mad Men)
Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck)
Anyone we miss?