Women don't come with directions and men seldom ask for them, so it should come as no surprise that Oprah's sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman suggests map-making as part of a five-step approach to enhance a couple's love-making. Dr. Berman's advice is showcased this week on Oprah's Best Life Series. The webcast series culminates Friday, when Dr. B will answer questions from viewers that register here.
In case you're strapped for time this week, here's the gist, in short: 1) Tell the truth, 2) Ask for what you want, 3) Let go of negative messages, 4) See a doctor, 5) Make sex a priority.
Wondering if better sex is indeed as easy as one, two, three (four and five)? Us, too! So if you or your partner a) feel sexually unsatisfied or b) cringe and/or laugh upon hearing the word "penis," try out this Dr. Berman exercise (touched upon in Monday's Morning Quickie) and let us know how it goes!
Print four copies of this two-sided, asexual person outline (which can be found here). You and your partner should each have two copies. Use the first to label your own body parts using numbers to represent the order in which you'd like to be touched during foreplay. Use the second to number the body parts of your partner in the order you think he or she would like to be touched. Then, simply compare to learn exactly what your partner wants and where he or she wants it. It goes without saying that this exercise may hinder the elements of surprise and exploration, but some would argue that this is a sacrifice worth making in the name of pleasure.
You can keep your foreplay map in your bedside table for reference, but be sure to plan at least a semi-sane explanation for why it's there, should a new partner ask how this particular page of your little cousin's gingerbread-man coloring book got wedged between your Very-Berry condoms and the KY.
Watch one couple try this foreplay mapping exercise while feigning complete comfort as the world sits in on their couple's therapy session with Oprah's narration, here. It's a classic.