Say Yes To First-Date Sex: A Guy's Opinion
First-date sex: One guy says go for it, even if it ends up being a one-night stand.
Go ahead and have sex on the first date if you want. If it feels good, do it. Ruin yourself. Get your rocks off. Surrender to chemistry, drink, irresponsibility. Indulge in the passion, throw caution to the wind, make a big sloppy mess of your love life. Your prince might not call you back if you rail him in the bathroom stall or after he slinks out of your apartment while you’re sleeping. If that happens, cry and wail! Just know that reports of the fragility of the human heart are greatly exaggerated.
There are no rules to love, romance, the quest to connect. Satiate your lust. Own your slutty behavior. Never apologize. A wise someone once said experience is never making the same mistake over and over and over. Make the mistake! Repeat after me: “I am not perfect. The only things that are perfect in the universe are cheeseburgers, snowflakes, and the moon. I am not perfect, and neither is my love life.”
I’ve never made that particular mistake, but it’s not because I’ve never tried. I’ve never made that mistake, and maybe it wouldn’t be a mistake. I’ve come close to doing it on a first date. Awesomely close. I’m not necessarily planning on doing it. It’s not on my bucket list or anything. I’d have to say that if I were to do it, that person and I would either be extremely drunk, extremely unable to keep our hands off each other, or both. If that were the case, and she never called me back, I’d be bummed. But I’m sure I’d get over it. Or not.
Read the rest of the essay on The Frisky.
Discussion
I think the most important thing to remember is that this is someone's opinion. It's how they feel and what is right for them. It might not be for the next or maybe it will be a variation. One thing the author says is true - there are no rules. Many "sexperts", love doctors and relationship gurus can tell us dozens of pros and cons on the subject. When it comes down to it, there is absolutely NO ONE to answer to but ourselves. If it feels right at the moment and you know the decision will still feel that way tomorrow (regardless of the outcome), than go for it!
I'm surprised this generated the comments it did. I don't know why it's anyone's business whether first date sex should or should not be done, let alone whether it can or cannot lead to a longer term relationship.
Whether a relationship develops really depends on what happens after the initial meeting, whether that's sex, or a celibate date, or whatever. However, there does seem to be interesting evidence of sex increasing the presence of some chemicals in the brain that encourage bonding: http://datehazard.wordpress.com/2009/02/15/love-explained/
Personally, that link doesn't quite explain my own experiences: I've slept with guys who I've never developed a real bond with, and never slept with others I can't stop thinking about (as well as other permutations and combinations, of course).
And no, alcohol wasn't involved in those scenarios. That's one thing I will say: when I sleep with someone I like to make sure I have my wits about me, and am able to fully enjoy the experience. Whether it's the first time, the seventeenth time, or the last time I'll ever meet them.
My sister married her guy and they had sex on the first date. I waited 3 months, 5 years to actually get married and 7 years later it all fell apart anyway because he was using heavy drugs, this was no Michael Phelps. He was hard core. Set fire to my kitchen. So everyone is different. I wouldnt advise sex on the first date but I wouldnt judge it either.
In my opinion, unless sex is your only intention, you should never have You have no idea who this person is that sleeping with. You know nothing about them, only what little they have let you know, which on a first date would not be much, and that would be sugar coated. Do you really want to share with them the most intimate and sacred part of yourself? It is not a good foundation to begin a relationship on, if that is what your looking for. Women save yourself as a gift to the man who wants, and shows you he is worthy of making you number one in his life. Otherwise, go buy you a BOB, and explore yourself, love yourself.
~Best Wishes~
This site, in my opinion, is in DESPERATE need of more male input and authors. I would even volunteer to write for yourTango.
Firstly, to have sex on any date requires 2 willing participants and if it occurs on the first date does not necessitate it will be a one night stand. I do not participate in one-night stands- sounds odd maybe cuz I have instances of first date sex that developed into long-term relationships. My ex-wife and I were active from day 1 and close to daily for 22 years. However, in our case we did know of each other prior to dating- point noted. As bdaddy said- depends when we call it the 1st date too.
Secondly, do we require outdated rules that dictate when 2 consenting adults MAY ONLY enjoy each other- who sets the bar-First? Second? Fifteen date? How bout 21st cuz thats my lucky # ?After marriage? Shall we leave it up to Dr. Ruth? Dr. Seuss? How bout this revolutionary idea...............................................
Each relationship must be treated differently and who better to make that decision and live with it than the 2 individuals involved? As adults we use our own instincts and make our own decisions. WoW- Can we ReALLy Be aLLoWeD to Do tHaT??? We run the risk of being called a slut? a prude? or worse??
Thirdly, why do we assume alcohol is involved? My present girlfriend and I met for the first time, with the exception of 2 on-line chats, for a Starbuck's coffee. I planned on going for a walk. We ended up at my place and although on her original initiative enjoyed sex and have been enjoying it very regularly over the past going on 3 months. Just because we had first date sex doesn't mean I don't respect her or she doesn't respect me. Presently, she has the flu so we have abstained for the past 3 days but I still make her home-made soup, call her from work and take care of her. My actions have always demonstrated to her that I don't consider her what some of you have termed a F*buddy- a term I find de-grading and wouldn't bestow upon anyone male or female.
Fourthly, too many assume the male is the aggressor on the first date. I have never gone into a first date with any expectation for sex. I am extremely shy and have high moral standards and values. I have been in numerous situations when the female was the aggressor and have declined sex because it did not seem right to me inside. Onother occassions I have consented cuz it just seemed Right and Natural.
Although I have high morals and beliefs, for some reason I cannot explain, I have never had any inhibitions related to sex or any sex related topic. As an individual, I trust my instincts and honor and respect others choices without judgement. I have a high level of curiousity but certain activities I would never participate in but at the same time would never judge another person who enjoyed such activities- for example gay sex, S&M. We are all UNIQUE and Thank God 4 that.
I appreciate the dynamics of this site- a forum for people to express their opinions and thoughts but to be honest I am rather shocked to see so many judgements and generalizations presented in the various forums. I hope yourTango attracts more male authors , moderators and participants to provide a balance.
In my opinion, male and female authors are needed that can provide more substantial articles- the cutesy videos can be entertaining with their tongue in cheek presentations but presentations providing greater depth into such topics as domestic violence, ED, for example would be appreciated to maintain my interest.
I have many ideas that would make this site a much more valuable place to meet my needs and maybe others needs too. I would love the opportunity to share them.
Thank-you for allowing me to share.
