Top 10 Facebook Etiquette Rules
It's time that social media starts following the real life rules of common courtesy.
5) As with all things, there is such thing as too much information. The airing of grievances are best done over email, telephone and brunch. Likewise, starting a group about how "John Tucker must die," while possibly cathartic, smacks of sour grapes. Starting a Facebook group called "I Hooked Up With Dane Cook And All I Got Was This Lousy Comedy CD" is, however, hilarious. Also, keep them photos safe for work.
4) This is sort of an addendum to 2 previous rules, but it bears it's own space: don't friend an ex's new squeeze if you're not actually friends. It's easy not friending someone. In fact, it takes more energy to friend someone than not friend them. Nothing good can come of this. It's the social media equivalent of John Cusack watching through the eyes of John Malkovich's daughter as Cameron Diaz and Catherine Keener kiss in the end of Being John Malkovich. No, life isn't fair.
3) Know the difference between the Wall and a message. Facebook should devise a multiple-choice test for every new member. It will include questions like: The note "I luv u sooooo much baaaaaaaaby. I can't waaaaaaait too seeee u 2nite" belongs in A) a private message; B) the Wall; or C) a coloring book for the mentally-special. In addition, know when and whom to Poke, Super Poke, Gift and, if it exists, Super Gift.
2) Again, the interweb is not a therapy session and shouldn't be used with severely impaired judgment. For instance, there are only 2 occasions when you tell someone that you had a huge crush on them in high school (if you must): a best-selling memoir or in a situation where you think this may get them to sleep with you… in the next 15 minutes. Definitely not on their Facebook Wall.
1) Above all other rules (in this actually is in the Facebook rules), do not create a fake page as a way to punish an ex. Creating a page about your old flame and including; "pooping in the bed," "giving people crabs" and "stealing from people I date" as favorite pastimes may seem funny, but it's petty and it's a pretty good way to get sued for like $40,000 (see the case of Raphael, Grant).
Follow these 10 simple rules and people across the land will say, "Hey, that [insert your name] is pretty responsible with [insert your gender-specific possessive pronoun] use of Facebook in a relationships setting."
*A big thankya to the rest of the YourTango team for helping me fill this list.
**Word to the wise, 'friending' is OK to use as verb {gerund, really} in reference to social media, please use 'befriending' in all other verb situations.
Discussion
I think everyone needs to lighten up. Boundaries are important, especially on FB and the web in general, but c'mon this draws a common parallel to the modern children's playground. Everything safe, foamy, and spongy. It's time we say goodbye to helicopter parents and idealisitc "bubble worlds". Having your feelings hurt and either directly or indirectly hurting another's is a part of social interaction. What's the sense of stifling it? It's part of the growing process.
As a Facebook fiend, I must say, this list is fabulous. Thank you for covering the nuances between a private message and a wall post. I'll never understand why some friends of mine insist on responding to my private messages via my wall. Le sigh.
I think less is more on facebook. Not too many pictures, not too many status updates. It just seems like people who do that are just trying to show off their lives like look at me, look what i did last night, Im so cool! It's like they just want approval from other people that they are cool and there lives are interesting, hence the "like" button!
I have an additional rule. How about not posting photos of every single party or event you attend? Particularly, when you already have 300 other photos that look identical. "I know, this time do 'kissy face' and now 'pout' and now 'surprised.'" When it gets to that point, just leave the camera at home!
If you're in a long term relationship and your guy posts his status as "single" - WATCH OUT! He is not being honest to you or the facebook world...Why do men seem to need the attention and the ego boost of leading a second dishonest life???
get a real life and talk to people in person instead of via the internet.
I know ALOT of people who break every single one of those rules. My at the time boyfriend's ex's would add me, and make random comments on pictures, and there status would say things toward me. It got worse when we broke up. So I knew she was stalking me, because I had never had a conversation with the girl. And I agree with Elizabeth, it's easier to just go ahead a de-friend an ex, than have to see his new girls all over his page. Facebook is abused, and used as nothing more than a stalking tool for people who have nothing better to do, hence the reason I deleted mine.
Why is everyone so concerned about "stalkers"? I find that at least 75% of the time a female says she has a Facebook "stalker" it was just someone trying to be nice and check in, like leaving a completely innocent comment on her status update, like "how have you been?" Isn't that why Facebook gives you the option to comment? It's quite ridiculous. Yes, online stalkers suck. But ladies come on, do you really perceive yourself so important that any male who speaks to you has an obsession with you? Jeez.
I have very mixed feelings about facebook. I'm no longer a member to the stie due to stalker issues. But my spouse is. I think it has the power to destroy a relationship if you go down the wrong roads with it. And if you meet up with old friends of the opposite sex it should be respected that you are a family person now. I had a few old friends who couldn't get through their heads I wasn't the party teen no more. I was a married mom. And I feel disprespected at times not from my hubbys actions but for the actions of some of his old friends and some of the new ones. IF you are a real friend you wouldn't say anything that could hurt the other persons spouse.
Family members you find are the most, nosiest of all. Just like real life they like to create a situation, to control a wall. If you have fun, and keep it at that you should not have problems. I call it a class reunion on line.
Love this, Tom. According to this very useful list I have been borderline-guilty of slandering an ex on Facebook...oops.
I'll 'fess up to two faux pas - When my hubby and I split, some of our friends (including HIS sister) found out via Facebook. Looking back, not the coolest way to go.
Also - I sent a friend request to a friend of a friend because I thought he was kinda cute....a little stalker-eque, yes, BUT we're in a relationship now so it was totally worth it.... ;)
I think facebook is for finding lost friends, reuniting, whatever....however I agree with these rules...come on its not myspace, afterall.
Cloaked in the anonymity of a computer screen, some people feel invulnerable. They do and say things they'd never do in person or in "real life.' Alas, the consequences DO last. I always caution people to think before they pick up pen, or keyboard. When you "spit" you can't pick it up again!
OKay, but what is protocol on defriending? And what if some random person from high school friends you. You know them, but adding them as a friend only means they can internet stalk you. Do you accept them then secretly reject them?
Is that okay?
Also, my sister's friend keeps adding me as a friend. I ignore her, but she keeps ASKING. I don't know the girl. At all. She needs to stop.
Try this: thank your sister's friend for her offer and tell her you don't add acquaintances or people you don't know until/unless they become friends.
I added a young man who said he was interested in education and then, he started putting moves on me and asked about my marital status (I'm a gramma -- he was, like, 24). I de-friended him immediately. And I tell people I don't know who try to add me that I had a bad experience and so [see above].
Good luck! :)
