Why Some Married Couples Live Apart
Commuter marriage is on the rise as people take jobs far away from their spouses.
Last year we reported that tough economic times make long distance relationships more difficult. As people struggle to make ends meet, finding cash for phone bills and plane fare has become more difficult. Well, ironically, in addition to making LDRs harder to sustain, the financial collapse has also made them more common.
According to this weekend's New York Times, "commuter marriages," in which married couples live apart, are trending up, as the tough economy forces people to take jobs in far-flung locales, away from their spouses and in some instances, children.
In 2006, the Census Bureau reported that 3.6 million married Americans (not including separated couples) were living apart from their spouses. In March, Worldwide ERC, the association for work-force mobility, released a report revealing that three-fourths of the 174 relocation agents surveyed had dealt with at least one commuter marriage in 2007, a 53 percent increase since 2003.
One couple that spoke to the Times is split between Pennsylvania and New Zealand, where both are professors at local universities. A second couple, formerly freelancers in voice-over work and writing, now work in Chicago and New Orleans, respectively. Other commuter couples interviewed for the piece deal with the distance between New York and Brazil, Detroit and Chicago and the United States and Israel.
Technology is helping these couples cope with being far away from each other, and some are even finding that the distance adds romance to a stale relationship. But they shouldn't worry too much: according to our article on long-distance relationships, "LDR couples' levels of relationship satisfaction, intimacy, trust, and commitment are identical to their geographically close counterparts."
Do you know anyone in a "commuter marriage"? Would you consider taking a job in another city, or country, if it meant living apart from your husband?
Discussion
When I first started working away from home I had two young children. Within weeks my two started to studder. He didnt know what to make of me being gone. Months later when I moved the family to a new job, his studder stopped. Over the years I have had to work away from home for extended periods. It is one of the causes for my failed first marriage. I figured if there was any conflict, I would be gone back to my work city and problem solved. It took years for me to realize that I wasnt happy with my (now) ex.
When I re-married we both agreed that if I had to re-locate for work we would go together. Well . . . good intentioned but didn't out that way. Once again I find myself single status and now lonely. It would be a LOT easier if I didnt have to arrange travel plans every two weeks (not to say cheaper). She just won't move to be with me like she said she would. This isnt what either of us want but I earn the money so I have to go where the work is. How long before one of us lets go?
