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The Best Of Tomfoolery 2009

Love, Sex

We all grew together and learned more about me in the 2009-er.

Evidently, the end of the year is a time for reflection and looking forward to the old in-with-the-new ethos. Fair enough. I'll play your game, you optimistic, nostalgic devils.

Here are some of my favorite and some of your favorite Tomfoolery posts from the year 2009 Anno Domini.

Facebook caught mad love in the '09, to such a degree that my parents even heard of it and, weirdly, some of my parents' friends even joined. And this new frontier was a little like a walk through Deadwood: no rules. The straw-camel's back connection for me was finding out about a good buddy's imploded engagement by his ex-fiancee's status update. We developed some rules. Also, check out our award-nominated video companion. Read: Top 10 Facebook Etiquette Rules

I'm a big, burly man. I weigh a semi-lean 190 pounds, have a Burt Reynolds-esque chest fro and like rough-housing. That said, I sort of dig being the inside spoon. Part of the time. I'm no dilettante. Read: I'm The Inside Spoon And I'm A Dude

I'm a guy. Like every guy I have ever met, I have an aversion to latex (and likely lambskin, I just don't know). It could be psychosomatic because we get over it when the inquisition presses us. Much like the Bolsheviks. Read: 9 Ways In Which Communism & Condoms Are Alike

Periodically, a guy will have a gal and she will seem perfect in every single way. Cheekbones so high they could cut diamonds, hair that reminds of a warm, safe place and legs that go all the way up and make quite an ass of themselves. But real love takes a more than boning, eventually the old in-and-out becomes just going through the motions. Tough break, you could always tell him you faked every orgasm. Read: Sorry, He's Tired Of Having Sex With You

Norm Peterson (of Cheers fame) once told daffy bartender Woody that it was a dog-eat-dog world and he was wearing milk-bone underwear. Your guy will have that day. He doesn't want to talk about it and maybe he doesn't even want his business handled. But there are a few things you can do to show him you care. Read: 6 Quick Pick-Me-Ups For A Glum Guy

 

In the remaining 90 years of the 21st century, we are going to face some problems: energy, clean water, healthy food and robots. Three of those issues could be remedied by assuaging overcrowding. There is a novel way to do that. Unfortunately, we'll need plenty of people to defeat the robots. Read: TV Or Sex: Technology To Ease Overcrowding?

 

I am a huge fan of the rapper The Streets. You should give him a chance. It will give you The Streets cred. Read: The Most Romantic Rapper You've Never Heard

This guy has had a few Hollyweird crushes in his stretch on Earth but the alpha (and possibly the omega) of his love-jones is one Winnie Cooper. Kelly Kapowski is pretty rad too. Read: AMan And His Winnie Cooper

 

Sometimes just because a guy doesn't seem interested doesn't mean he doesn't think you're hot stuff. On occasion, he's really cool. Once in a while, he's just a serious dill-hole. But most of the time, he's really shy. Decode his actions, enchant him and wear his boxer shorts on the weekends. Read: 5 Shy-Guy Pick-Up Moves

Sometimes, even the best of us do things that float in the ether between classless and blatantly dickish. Once in a while, it's an oversight. Most of the time, it's just bad manners. Clearly, I have very strong feelings on social graces, especially regarding wedding gifts. Read: When You Must Return Wedding Gifts

And, finally, I'm always the first to say, "I love you." In a relationship. With a person I really dig. And I'm OK with that because I listened to this sunscreen commencement speech many times. (Also, some doctors aren't so sure absorbing sunscreen is a good idea). Read: I'm Always The First To Say "I Love You"

Looking back, I had a sweet-sweet year if this was all I had to complain about. Here's to an even gym-dandier 2010.

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