You’re not wearing enough clothes or are wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. My first impression of you should not be influenced by your boobs, amount of chest hair, or unfortunate costume parties. You may look phenomenal wearing a loosely tied toga, but I’m going to think you’re an attention whore.
You’re trying too hard: Your hair is perfectly styled, you’re sporting some trendy shades, and no one has photographed a bigger pout since the finale of last season’s America’s Next Top Model. You’re going for sexy, but even if you succeed you come across as a high maintenance prima dona.
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You’re a cartoon: On top of being unable to tell what you look like, which was probably your point, we’re going to assume you’re as immature as the cartoon character that you feel best portrays you.
You use a picture of your kid. Why is it not ok to show your face, but it’s ok to show the photos of your kid? We’re going to assume you’ve peaked and are no longer attractive or no longer have a separate identify from your parenthood.
You don’t have any pictures of you at all. This includes using pictures of you from your childhood: you think you’re playing it safe, but it’s really a Big Red Flag. What are you afraid of and why are you hiding? Either you’re one of those conspiracy/privacy freaks or you’re afraid your past is going to catch up with you. Either way, it makes a people want to proceed with caution, if at all.
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What did I miss?