F--- Buddies Are Like Pretzels....

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F--- Buddies Are Like Pretzels....

Hi Moxie --


I hope you are well - happy holidays!  

I wanted to ask about something that's been on my mind lately, particularly
after your recent post about f-buddies.  I'm single far more often than in a
relationship, and I'm faced with potential f-buddy situations more than I am
actual or potential relationships (sad but true and also - I acknowledge -
partly my doing/"fault").  I have a tendency to get attached so for the most
part limit casual sex/hooking up to guys I don't really know and thus won't get
attached to because I just don't care about them.  However, when it comes to
people you know better, are attracted to and want to hook up with, how do you
reconcile the desire to be physical and spontaneous with the desire to someday
be in a relationship and find the right person?  Sometimes I don't realize until
I'm too far gone that this is someone I might actually want to be in a
relationship with, and at that point it's far too late because I've already
communicated through my actions that that's precisely what I don't want.  Is the
moral of the story that you just shouldn't screw around to begin with unless
that is ALL you'll ever want from the situation?  Are you supposed to wait until
the guy asks you out or ask them out/hint towards that because I feel like
saying something to him along the lines of you might want more is just too much
too soon.  Is there a way to be assertive from the get go
and get the
physical side that you crave?  I'd love whatever insight you have into this; I
am realistic about the negative prospects when it comes to turning an f-buddy
into anything more, but am wondering what you do before things even being,
really.

Thanks for any help/advice you might have!

Take care,
Katie (27 and in Chicago if you want to use it in your column :))

You answered your own question.

Is the
moral of the story that you just shouldn't screw around to begin with unless
that is ALL you'll ever want from the situation?

Yes. That's the moral of the story. For starters, the guy isn't
going to do the right thing and cut things off or not take things to
f-buddy territory for you. He might eventually cut things off because
he doesn't want to feel the guilt or have his life inconvenienced. But,
most times, he's not going to weigh the pros and cons of having casual
sex with a woman. He's just going to do it. So he isn't going to be
responsible for you or your feelings. And really, it's not his job.
That's your job.

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