Feelings after parting ways.

By YourTango

Feelings after parting ways.
I was married to my high school sweet heart for 12 1/2 years, we parted ways 5 yrs ago and even though  we loved each other our marriage was rocky!! We married young, had 3 kids and I left because I could not take it anymore.  He was all about himself when it came to money and  time with us ... He just was not there (mentally) ! Yeah he was there physically but that was about it.Through out the marriage there was some infidelity here and there.  The last straw was when he quit his job of 8 yrs and  cashed in his 401K .!

I took the kids and left but when I left the last thing on my mind was another woman coming into the picture. Well low and behold maybe 3 weeks after I left that was the case, and he has been with this woman for 5 yrs now. I also found out just this year that he was seeing her during our marriage.  During the marriage I had gained ALOT of weight and because of the stress of us parting ways hit me like a ton of bricks I lost all the weight, I just could not eat!  It took a some time for me to except the fact that he had moved on and was with someone else, I was shocked and could not understand how someone could bounce as quickly as he did!  After the parting of ways we did not speak to each other ( me because I was bitter) and I don't know why he could not or would not talk to me if needed, because we do have children together. OKAY getting to my question.. Just this past summer I had a close relative pass away and me and my children attended the funeral ( in another town) HE WAS THERE !  He had not spoke to or seen this relative in maybe 10-12 yrs, and he was there! And I also found out ( from our son) that he was watching my house one night just to see if I was seeing someone, (mind you he is in a relationship) .

Well since the funeral we speak when we see each other , but at my sons basketball game he told me that he thinks about me everyday, I did not ask he just volunteered the info! Honestly I know I will always love him and I have in no way made any advances toward him ( being very careful) ! He still lives with the woman, and here is the BING BANG after 5yrs we are still legally married. I cant afford a divorce and he can,  and I also expected him to divorce me because after all he is in a relationship.  I've tried dating and they have all been disasters and I have 3 kids ( one graduating from High School this year )  and right now dating has been put on the back burner.'ve been out of the dating scene for over a year now, but the last thing i expected was this. As much as I pray for them to go away there are still some feelings there, and now that we are finally speaking to one another and he tells me things that I've been wondering about for a while now.. Can someone explain to me how to cope with this how do I respond?