Dating quandries: I'm complicated!

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Dating quandries:  I'm complicated!

So, I guess I could blame my parents...Their marriage was doomed from the get go.  I could blame it on my friends from high school...their dating drama was irritating.  I could blame it on my schedule...too busy to date.  And I could blame it on my kids.  That's right.  I said MY kids.  How in the world, you ask, if I can only count 3 total dates I've been on, how do I have kids?  Well, here's the long version of a long story short.  Wait.  Vice versa that.  My two beautiful babies are the product of a young marriage gone awry.

You see, my home life growing up, not so great.  My parents finally separated when I was a sophomore in high school, and my mother incurred serious injuries the summer of my junior year that left me and my brother to help take care of her and my younger sister.  We had very little income, and what I earned at my part time job went to pay bills. 

I had fun here and there and I loved my job working at a the local movie theatre.  To be honest, my job was my outlet for all the stress in my life.  Watching my mother go through her battles with divorce, 3 teenage kids, and injuries that left her unable to work, I vowed I would never let my life lead me down the same road.  Funny how life can throw your words back in your face at the most inopportune time.

I met my soon to be ex-husband the day after high school graduation at work.  It was his first day on the job, and my first day of my new, single life.  Well, the first part of that last sentence is right!  We formed a fast friendship that quickly turned into more.  We never had a first date, just hung out with others and then eventually it boiled down to it being just us.  I think the fact that we both were not happy living at home made us desperate to get out.  I came across an opportunity to move up into management with the movie theater, but it was in another state. 

Long story short, we each got a job there, and moved thousands of miles away from our families.  6 months in, we found ourselves about to become parents, and we weren't out of our teens yet.  Scared to death, we moved back home and started our married life and new family.  Years of struggling financially, taking care of babies and not taking time to spend together, left us growing apart.

Now, I find myself 27, a single mom of two, and scared to death about the whole dating thing.  My job puts me in the public spotlight almost on a weekly basis where I meet a lot of people, including single guys.  I have turned down more dates than I can count on my fingers and toes, and why?  I'm terrified!  First off, I over analyze things, secondly I have issues with intimate settings, and thirdly, I'm not a piece of meat. 

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