Is Cheating Inevitable?
We know why it happens. But does that make it OK?
John Edwards. Justin Timberlake. Tiger Woods. With new stories of infidelity popping up every day, is it any wonder we sometimes feel as if we're only biding our time—stomachs clenched—until we catch our partner in the act? After all, it's inevitable. Right?
Just last week, over at Huffington Post, Jay Michaelson put the question to his readers: Is monogamous marriage an anomaly? He then reviewed the history of marriage: "Truly traditional marriage, after all, is polygamy. This is what the Bible instructs, and it's been the dominant familial arrangement in the Western world for longer than any other form, including nuclear-family monogamy. Kings had their concubines, noblemen had their mistresses and kept women, and the rest of us—well, we had the world's oldest profession." Why Powerful Men Cheat
So, yes. We have to acknowledge that marriage did, indeed, originate as a sort of business transaction. We know that—scientifically speaking—most species aren't naturally monogamous. We also know that it's silly to look to one man to satisfy all of our needs, expecting him to be our sun, our moon, our stars. We get it, already. Monogamy is unnatural.
But despite all of this, and despite the flutter we sometimes get in our stomachs when we see another man's dimples, leading us to imagine an alternate life with an alternate man, we want monogamy to work. We need to believe that it can.
Can it?
What I don't like about this article is that the examples she uses are of celebrities and their infidelities. The fact is that the life of a celebrity is very different. There everyday life has no comparison. And therefore I don't think it's logical to compare.
Second, Marriage is becoming more a business transaction? Marriage is always about business. It has been for many years. Before love marriages existed is was pure business. And even with love marriages, there are too many financial responsibilities to deny that marriage isn't about business. We fall in love and sometime the guy or girl is just a financial and professional mess, this creates problems and that's why we can't move on. Marriage is very much about business. And for those who don't believe in marriage, the have domestic partnerships or they have contracts about property/pets/etc just in case the relationship does not work out. The problem is once marriage happens, people get comfortable or the stress gets to them and they give up.
Perhaps cheating IS inevitable but to certain personality types. And I mean within a persons lifetime. If they are not mature or if they are troubled in other areas of their life. Cheating happens when people get bored or when people need an escape. IT's not because it is hard for them to be monogamous, it happens when people feel they have nothing to loose or need the excitement. It is a lot more complicated than just men and women being horny. We don't always have the healthiest examples of successful relationships in our own life so how can we practice healthy successful relationships? And if celebrities are the individuals that help guide you to healthy relationships, your in big trouble!
As the previous poster says, people also lie, steal, and cheat in other ways like exams or something. It's a character flaw and it can be a permanent one or a temporary one. Instead of focusing on how probable it is for a man or woman to cheat, we should focus on ourselves and practicing healthy lifestyles and habits and finding mates who are stable and secure. Not rushing into things, and so much more. And there are no guarantees. But if the couple practices healthy habits and communication, the odds are on your side!
I have had the privileged opportunity, so to speak, to see and witness many married persons sneaking off, and not with their spouses. Most people, will not, even in private surveys admit to such things due to the stigma attached because of our society. I know a lot more that have then haven't had at least one adventure in their married lives. Even the ones that one half stays monogamous the other one isn't always that way.
Why don't men and women tell their spouse? Simple reason is because they do really love their spouse, but for whatever reason they took the jump, now they would do almost anything from hurting them or their feelings is the reason they don't tell. Simply put they are really happy in their married life with one person to face all of life's adventures and problems together as a team as they raise a family. A weak moment, a need not being met, including being made to feel wanted and needed in a relationship. As said in many different articles not ONE person CAN BE THE EVERYTHING IN ANOTHER PERSON'S LIFE ALL THE TIME FOR ALL OF THEIR LIFE. As the article look at history look at politicians, kings, common men, look at priests, and any other person man or woman. I would much rather share with one other person in a life style then many others. I don't know how many men out there would want to be like me to have my wife take another man into our relationship then to add a woman. I would much rather enhance her life, and indeed it would mine as well. Her satisfaction is my ultimate goal. Sneaking aorund causes to many problems and issues up front is best, if it can be worked out.
No, cheating is not even remotely inevitable. Most people manage to be faithful.
From the National Sex Survey, the most definitive, scientific sampling done in the US:
94% of married people had had only 1 partner in the past year.
Over 80% of women reported that they had no partner other than their spouse while married
65-85% of men say the same.
Interestingly, another study found that 73% of men in the UK had only one partner in the past year and 78% of French men.
So most people are faithful. Saying everyone does it is just an excuse. So is saying anyone who could do it, would.
The idea that polygamy is the natural order of things for humans is crap.
1. Virtually every society out there has made women be monogamous. You can't ignore what half the human race is expected to do.
2. Most male humans throughout history have been in monogamous pair-bonds. Polygamy and concubinage is just the powerful guys edging out other guys. Between families not wanting their daughters to be prostitutes and peasants not having a lot of money, I suspect that most guys mostly got sex from their wives.
3. For quite a long time, the past 2000 years, the Western world has expected men to be faithful to their wives - and to have only one.
Monogamy is the most common arrangement humans live in and have lived in. It is not a "new" institution by any means.
Are people faithful? Not always. Humans also tell lies, cheat, and steal - probably more often than they have extramarital sex. We don't say that honesty is unnatural.
