Marriage. It's Complicated. Is It Worth It?
Gay marriage. Open marriage. Prenups. Infidelity. Why the fuss? A new documentary clears the air.
In New Jersey, the state Senate just canceled the vote for a bill that would allow for same-sex marriage. If such a bill had passed, New Jersey would have become the sixth state to allow such a union, a right that many gay couples (and their supporters) have been desperately pursuing for years. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods—a successful pro golfer married to the beautiful Elin Nordegren—was recently discovered to have an entire bevy of mistresses. One might surmise that, in his case, marriage wasn't enough.
And he's (obviously) not the only one who's found him or herself unsatisfied with marriage. Rates of infidelity run rampant, and divorce rates are just as high. Which is why some couples choose to open up their marriages, rewriting the boundaries of their commitment in order to fit their own needs. Portrait Of An Open Marriage
All of which leads one to wonder: Why? Why marry at all?
Is it the security? The shared health insurance? (Definitely a perk.) The sense of security? Plain and simple love? We Married For Health Insurance
In the trailer for the forthcoming American Marriage—a documentary set to hit theaters in 2010—a man says that marriage is a case of "people becoming greater than the sum of their parts." Which is a touching sentiment. But don't worry. They don't let marriage off that easy. Filmmakers Mike Flanagan and Courtney Bell explore dowries, divorce, prenuptial agreements, polygamy, common law marriages and more throughout the course of their film. Learn (and Earn) From Gay Marriage
Why—they ask—is it so simple to enter into such a serious yet flawed institution, while it is a thousand times more difficult to dissolve it? And are people entering into it for all the wrong reasons? Is there even such a thing as right and wrong when it comes to binding yourself to another? Divorce Types: How To Choose
And, is marriage even worth fighting for and about? After all: "If your brakes failed as often as marriages do," they ask. "Would you ever drive a car?"
Discussion
Yeah,I'm sure marriage is hard,but life is hard. Does that mean you give up and throw in the towel? NO WAY! You keep going even through the tough times and make it work. One of these days I WILL find the guy I'm meant to marry and I will take the plunge,no matter how hard it is.
Basically marriage is a lot of hard work. Some people are too lazy to even do the work or too afraid to rock the boat and disagree half the time. But I learned from watching my parents and my grandparents, that you have to give and take and equal amount with love in marriage.
And recently I had a bunch of friends (all under 23), just get married this year. Now the thing is i know about a good half of them in 5-10 years are going to fail. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but most of them married for the wrong reasons. I know two out of the handful will last. But I know one big reason why a good amount won't: still too selfish.
You can't be selfish in a marriage. Huge rule of thumb the first 10 years. The ones that are not, like may parents and grandparents, is that they learned it along the way, but more importantly, they learned how to compromise with not letting their pride get in the way.
Another huge reason that a marriage can last: sex. My grandparents had 11 kids, 8 aunts and 2 uncles and my father being the oldest of all the other 10 kids. And i know for a fact that my parents still get it on, haha I'm 22 and I'm aware, won't think about it, but yeah anyway, my point is that sex can keep a marriage alive. But also after the kids get older, most couples don't know what to do with the silence. Basically they have to get to know each other all over again and most times both people have changed. That's how older couples get divorce or separate.
I do know my parents have gone on many outings or trips over the last 5 years, which has helped keep their marriage alive for so long. And they do stuff together too. But they also have separate things as well.
Oh and to couples that have money problems, have two separate accounts. Why? because whomever has an issue with spending money too much, is more likely to drain the account in the first 3-4 years of the marriage. That's a huge reason that can drive a wedge between loving couples: money. So always have an account just for the bills and the house, then one for personal spending. My parents have that and it's helped them stay a float all these years.
All in all, love is the foundation, but trust, honesty, and the willingness to work hard with both partners, the marriage will last... it did for 56 years before my grandmother passed away and my parents had their 25th anniversary this year. So in a way I know what I'm talking about...
I hate to state the painfully obvious, but marriage can only work when the people involved are both committed to making it work in the same way. One person cannot work towards a monogamous marriage, and the other partner wants an open one. That's opposite ends of the spectrum.
Well, you need to be heterosexual, have an address and have $60. I don't really think marriage licenses need those things. I think it is invasive and not the gov'ts place. Then we become an autocratic society that determines who has the right to marriage based on what? Performance. No. That's not right. In the same way its not right to deny marriage based on gender. But laws like that are a pretty slippery slope to a less than free society.
Marriage is hard work. When we first got married I felt like being married was a full time job. You can't skip work or else stuff piles up. But I also love being married to my husband, the companionship, the friendship, they are the results of our labors. But I do think it hurts marriage when we pass arbitrary laws banning who can and can't marry. That hurts the institution of marriage more than divorce ever could.
I think that marriage is wonderful. I think that if you marry someone that you truly care about, and not to gain wealth, orgasms, social status, or just not to be alone, then it's great.
Often people marry for the wrong reasons, it's not the design of marriage, not it's original plan. yes, marriage is a major improvement for individuals, if they both bring something to the relationship and are willing to share, be mature, non-selfish, and respectful. A marriage can't consist of 2 people and only have me in mind.
At the same rate, marriage is also a major business relationship, and should be treated as such. It's also an exercise in trust, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, and teamwork.
I marriage is great, the ones that work are incredible.
This is one of those subjects that I feel is on par with personal views regarding politics and religion. We each have our reasons for our choices. If marriage doesn't suit you then go do whatever else it is you want to...you're an adult and you get to make those choices for yourself since you are living your own life.
Don't attack the institution of marriage just because there are so many people that don't even understand what it takes to make a relationship work, let alone a marriage. Marriage isn't what's at fault. Those that choose to do so have their reasons, and obviously there is a lot of flawed reasoning going around, but that doesn't mean that marriage is to blame for that. Issues that occur in marriage are the same ones that will occur in "common law" marriages, etc.
Now, I'll go as far as agreeing that the view on long term relationship practices outside of marriage should be broadened, and I'll agree that it should also be more challenging to get married, otherwise it should be easier to divorce.
But don't blame the institution. "If your brakes failed as often as marriages do," they ask. "Would you ever drive a car?"
"If you never fix the breaks how do you expect them to work?" is my reply. Relationships, whether married, same sex, common law, open, or whatever else you can think of, all take a lot of hard work. There is no easy fix.
In my experience, marriage is an amazing thing, much better than I actually expected it to be.
Why do people keep getting married? Maybe because married people are happier, healthier, and richer. Oh, and they get more and better sex.
Or maybe we're just designed to fall in love and want our partner to stay with us and be faithful.
On the other hand, I definitely think it should be harder to get married. That would be one simple way to reduce the divorce rate.
