HAVING THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR DREAMS
I have never met anyone who didn't desire to have a partner or spouse with whom they can experience deep love, understanding, and fulfillment. Unfortunately, few of us have actually learned what it takes to have that kind of a relationship. Well...it's never too late to learn. Here are some basic principles to consider in the important journey of creating the relationship of your dreams:
- Couples are able to create meaningful connection when safety and trust are part of the foundation in their partnership.
- Partners develop patterns of interaction and communication that pave the way for a secure connection from the very start of their relationship.
- These patterns of interaction and communication are strongly influenced by the patterns of interaction and communication (or lack thereof) that each partner experienced in their relationship with their main caregivers and other significant people while growing up.
- In order for partners to create a secure bond with each other they need to be able to achieve the following:
1. Create a sense of alliance through open communication. This requires congruence between the verbal and nonverbal messages between partners.
2. Create a sense of stability and equality that allows for safety and trust to develop. This allows couples to take risks and be vulnerable with each other.
3. Each partner is required to grow and develop areas in their thinking, feeling, and behavior that are interfering with their ability to accomplish the first two tasks. This process can only be achieved when both partners take responsibility for creating a healthy connection within themselves (body, mind, and spirit) as well as with each other. This process begins by each partner taking personal responsibility for resolving inner conflict or unresolved issues that are blocking their ability to be truly intimate and vulnerable in the relationship. This may require the help of a professional counselor who can provide skilled guidance in the process. A relationship specialist would be best qualified to help.
When couples have difficulty creating this type of secure connection they usually begin to think they've chosen the wrong partner. Disappointment, sadness, anger, and other unpleasant emotions can develop. So, instead of resolving the issues partners start distancing from each other. Sometimes they settle for leading parallel lives with little interaction, or they eventually find exits out of the relationship (affairs, addictions, etc) Other couples at this point may develop a pattern of arguing frequently, as this becomes the only way in which they get attention from each other.
Almost every single time, though, people end a relationship just to end up in another that is similar to the one they left behind. Some people end up thinking that this is because they are "damaged goods", but in reality it's because they are seeking healing, growth, and meaning, but they just don't know how to go about accomplishing this. As a relationship specialist with years of experience, I can help you find the way and gain the skills you need. Please don't hesitate...the relationship of your dreams is within your reach.
Nelly Venturini, MA, LMHC, NCC, CIRT
"Promoting healing, growth, and relationships in a safe and supportive atmosphere"
555 Winderley Place - Suite 300
Maitland, FL 32751