Lost!

By

Lost!


I have been divorced for 12 years, the only person I had been with was my ex-husband, and I got divorced when I was 29. I had one serious relationship after my divorce, he was so into me, gave me the world mentally, emotionally, sexually, and this is where the but comes in I always follow my gut, and from the 1st day we met, my gut told me he was hiding something. After 5 years of trying to push my instincts side, the answer fell in upon my feet. We were engaged to be married, we were in the middle of planning our wedding, I can honestly say he was my first love, didn't know what love was until I met him. He was from Chicago, and I was from Louisiana, he was living in Louisiana. Well I got the phone call that would crush my world, but at the same time I felt the freedom from my gut, that the lies were over. He was still married to someone in Chicago, knowing this he was willing to become a bigot. He had told me he had been divorced with no children. Well the no child was true, but the divorce was not! I had 2 sons from my 1st marriage, and asked him not to come into my son’s lives unless he would be there forever! He jumped in this relationship with everything, except for his one little white lie, he never got divorced. It has been 6 years since I ended that relationship, yes somewhere in my heart I do love him, but not longer what him! I was never naïve; I questioned everything about his past. I am a paralegal, this man when through so many depositions thru our relationship with the questions I asked, but he always had the right answers. At the same time my gut instinct told me there was still a missing piece to the puzzle! I am over him, the trouble I have now, is trying to find someone honest, and I don't grill or interrogate everyone date, I trust my gut instinct, more then ever now! My question is the guys, I am attracted to and have chemistry with seem to only want sex, now at the age of 41, I am I don't just want causal sex anymore, I want a partner in life. I want a long term relationship! But the guys that I am attracted too, say they want that but they also want sex after the first couple of dates, well I do have morals and I refused to given to temptation, is that so wrong where it becomes a deal breaker? Everything else seems great until it comes to the question will I lose my self control for sexual satisfaction! And I refuse to give in, am I wrong for wanting to wait?

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