Should A Boyfriend Double As A Best Friend?
Why it's not always a great idea for him to know every single thing about you.
On my very first date with my boyfriend, I didn't know if he was going to kiss me. I didn't know yet that he loves Concord grapes, plays the saxophone and has never seen a Woody Allen movie. But I did know for certain that I wanted this person with whom I'd just eaten dinner to be in my life, somehow. I remember sitting across from him at a table in a Portuguese restaurant, smiling, and thinking, "Whatever happens after this date, I really hope we become friends. You're cool." The Frisky: Pointless Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend
Flash forward six intense, crazy-in-love months and this man is not only boyfriend—he is my closest friend now, too, the one who knows everything about what goes on with my family, what goes on at work, what weird dreams woke me up in the middle of the night. And I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing. The Frisky: Holiday Shopping List: For Boyfriends
He is my boyfriend, he's my best friend, but he's also filling a vacancy that slowly opened up in my life recently. You see, I don't have a lot of friends. No, I'm not a complete nutter who can't keep any friends, I swear. It's just that, in the past two years, all my closest friends have scattered, literally, around the world:
Christiane was born in Germany and moved back there to be closer to her family; Stephanie joined the Army and right now is stationed in Iraq (at a prison, of all places); and Phil and Andrew are both in grad school in Boston, and it turns out people don't have much of a social life while they're attending Harvard Law School. Last, but not least, there was my best guy friend, who I had a pretty major falling-out with last year (it was tangentially related to this story), and I've scarcely seen that guy since. The Frisky: The Bad (Boy) Friend Break Up
I do keep in touch with my international buddies as best we can. But what sucks is that, back here in New York where we all used to live together, I can't just make off-the-cuff plans anymore or instantly share stuff that's going on in my life. I miss being able to do that more than I can say; loneliness is a heavy feeling. It sounds depressing, but there is not a single person under the "Favorites" list on my iPhone whom I could call and grab sushi with after work. Except my boyfriend, that is. The Frisky: MERRIMe, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating
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Discussion
Wow, this article is describing my life right now...I am so relieved to read about someone going through the same thing. All of my girlfriends have scattered around the country. I love my boyfriend and he is absolutely my best friend but I know I need someone else (mainly a local good girl friend) to go shopping with, get manicures, go for a drink, etc. RIght now, like she mentioned, if my BF would get hit by a truck I would have absolutely no one, (unfortunately not even family as we do not speak anymore). I need so badly to find good girlfriends. I just got a new job so hopefully I will be able to meet some people. He has several good guy friends that he can talk to. I just need to try to develop friendships of my own to have another outlet to vent, and it is so hard!
My boyfriend is also my best friend. I learned a long time ago that one person can not be your everything. The author at least knows this and know it is healthy for her and the relationship to have friends outside the couple. I agree with Lyz, it becomes a problem when you begin to think and feel your man or woman is all you need and have in this world. My man knows a lot about me but I have maybe one secret and he says I know everything but who knows. The fact is its good to have a GF to talk to about your relationship. And even though you may share the same likes, two people can't enjoy ALL THINGS TOGETHER. I mean in the movies you see that or on TV. In reality, there are always things that we dislike. So, you have to find people who share your likes. It makes the differences in a relationship not seem so much of a distance factor.Yes couples will endure things for the other (shopping, sports, etc.) but to have someone you can always discuss your interests is important. My boyfriend and I happen to be anti-social people lol but I use school as my outlet to meet new people. I meet other students and mostly students in my major so it works. If school is no good, online communities help or you can use the internet to find local meet ups. Anyway, I really liked this article. Young women need to read these things lol
I don't think its a problem to have him know everything about you. The problem comes when you begin to think that he is all you need in this world and not one person can be our one and only, we need other people to round out our lives and to share with. Try searching for some couple friends, maybe he's got some guy friends that have lovely GFs and you guys can buddy up. I think the search for couple friends is more stressful than dating.
I don't think the problem is that he's her best friend. It's that he's her only close friend. Her other close friends have moved away and she needs to make some new ones. Unfortunately, that takes time.
I think if you can find a lover who is a best friend as well, you may have found someone worth marrying.
