Feeling strong and week on and off like this for a few days now, it's been emotionally draining with up's and down's, at times I think it would be easier for us to get back together so all the pain would just go away, but that would be pointless and neither of us would get anything more out of it that we allready have. Both of us had moments of weakness and denile, we both made the phone calls to eachother and did the texing basing our emotions on WHAT IF and MISSING EACHOTHER. Bouncing in and out of the reality of why we broke up has been going on for the past few days. Sometimes thinking it can work, and then knowing it absolutly will not work . Going over this in my head back and forth for days has been driving me crazy. I've been told this is normal. He went through a period of feeling weak, in denial, missing me and wanting to make it work again, I had to straighten him out with the facts. Then it was me who went through feeling weak, denial, missing him and wanting to make it work again, he had to straighten me out with the facts. This happened a few times until both of us decided not to call eachother for a while because we know it won't work and were just driving eachother nuts and making ourselves hurt. Moments of wanting to have him with me at nite and wanting to be snuggled by him are the worst, because when I realize that it's not happening anymore I ball my head off until i'm tired and I just go to sleep. I am moving on but yea I miss those moments and feel totally out of my mind without him sometimes. I find that staying away from booze and nightclubs is a good idea . I do not want to get drunk with my girlfriends and have a man bashing competition because I know that it won't do me any good. I'll just wake up the next day with a hangover regretting things that I may or may not have done and pictures of all the girls will end up on some website for evryone to see "Hey it's Sophie rocked out of her tree clinging to some hairy ass she doesn't even know" can I say ass in here? I have gone out dancing in a more mellow atmosphere with friends who won't push booze on me and we did have a pretty good time unleashing on the dance floor. It helps! I've been liking that my siblings want hang out because they don't sit there and judge and they don't tear apart my ex for fun. Siblings are the best because they bring up the lite side of life and they will do anything to help you feel stong and feel good about your decisons. My sister is great for the rational Bi*** Slap when i'm being irrational and I love her for it. I am curently looking at a career as a professional writer/editor but i want/need to take some classes first. I have made a mental list of all the things I want to accomplish "hellicopter pilots licence" and i'm looking forward it. Just keeping occupied and getting exercise is the best way to get out of the depressed slump and it took my siblings and a couple girlfriends and my parents to drag my butt out of bed and make me have a shower to realize this. It's a huge change and it will take some getting used to! It's okay. It's getting easier every day. I must keep moving up if I am going to heal become a better person for myself. Sophie
