Sex With My Husband is Painful

By

Emily, a woman age 37, married for three years suffering from vaginal pain during intercourse came to see me. She could not specify when the pain first started, but said that it was getting progressively worse. Emily has been examined by her gynecologist who found no physical evidence such as vaginitis, Vaginismus, vaginal agenesis or cysts to support her pain. His diagnosis was that Emily’s pain was psychological.

I suggested that Emily bring her husband, Ryan to the session because I find it helpful to observe the verbal interaction and body language of couples I am counseling. Besides, her problem did affect their relationship and he should be part of the solution process.

I discovered that they had a mismatched sex drive and that Emily felt like she was under constant pressure to have sex. Eventually, she just clamped up and so did her vaginal muscles as a form of defense.

In my office, I encouraged Emily and Ryan to do some Sensate Focus exercises on each other’s hands and face. Emily was able to experience receiving touch without any sexual agenda. For their homework, I gave them other non-sexual exercises that would create deeper intimacy without focusing on the goal of intercourse or orgasm. It was up to Emily to let Ryan know when she was ready to have intercourse.

A week later, Emily called to let me know that they were experiencing a deeper heart connection and to her delight, Ryan was being more romantic. During sexual intercourse, she did not experience the kind of pain she had before. On a scale of 1 to 10, her discomfort level was now between a 1 and a 2 instead of an 8 or higher.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Loveology University - College Of Sensual Knowledge

Relationship CoachWelcome to the Loveology University ® "Are ready for a Love Changing experience" Dr Ava Cadell - Founder of Loveology University http://www.loveologyuniversity.com
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Sex Therapy
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources
FROM AROUND THE WEB