On Being the Other Woman
I am single person. The last boyfriend I had was in 2001 and we broke up. We met again after 8 years and realize that we love each other. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is married to another woman and they have children. I know it is wrong to fall in love with a married man, but my boyfriend told me he never was in love with his wife and they are not compatible. He wants to continue the relationship that we have. Is it ok to continue the relationship that I have right now? How can I help him?
SingleEdition.com Lifestyle Expert Sherri Langburt's Answer:
It’s interesting that you refer to this man as your boyfriend several times in your letter. While he may have played that role in your previous life, nearly a decade has gone by and things clearly are very different from where you last left off. It may be hard for you to fathom, but as long as he is married and living in the same house as his wife and kids, his primary role remains as husband and father, no matter how you may want to convince yourself otherwise.
For many singles, reconnecting with a past love is comforting, exciting and safe. But when that person is married you become an accomplice to a major moral transgression. If what you want most is to help this man then give him the proper chance to address his marriage issues without you as a distraction or safety net......continue reading on SingleEdition.com
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Discussion
Hit the post button too soon.
Do i think this is the healthiest or productive of situations? No. More than likely, this woman will get hurt. Plus she's wasting time on someone that she probably will not end up with. But to offer up these standard definitions and responses without even asking more questions just seems lazy.
To the letter writer: You're probably going to get burnt. But it's not your job to help this guy. It's his and his wife's. So let them handle it and stay out of it and look for a connection with someone available. If it's meant to be, it will be. It's that simple.
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It's not her job to play Morality Police. And it's not just his job to save his marriage, if indeed it can be saved. Both partners contribute to a failed marriage, not just one. Yet everyone always assumes that the marriage must be in shambles due to the man's indiscretions. It's completely sexist.
There are so many marriages out there that are complete shams, where the partners only stay married so as to avoid the penalties incurred from divorce or to protect their children. Plenty of married couples have an agreement - be it spoken or unspoken - that their partner can seek a relationship elsewhere as long as they don't humiliate their mate, practice safe sex, etc.
Since their letter writer divulges nothing in regards to the inner workings of her boyfriend's marriage, there's really no way anyone can say what he should or shouldn't do.
Enough with the platitudes. Relationships and commitment and monogamy have taken on so many different meanings that we can no longer just apply cliched rules and responses to every situation.
It's not her job to play Morality Police. And it's not just his job to save his marriage, if indeed it can be saved. Both partners contribute to a failed marriage, not just one. Yet everyone always assumes that the marriage must be in shambles due to the man's indiscretions. It's completely sexist.
There are so many marriages out there that are complete shams, where the partners only stay married so as to avoid the penalties incurred from divorce or to protect their children. Plenty of married couples have an agreement - be it spoken or unspoken - that their partner can seek a relationship elsewhere as long as they don't humiliate their mate, practice safe sex, etc.
Since their letter writer divulges nothing in regards to the inner workings of her boyfriend's marriage, there's really no way anyone can say what he should or shouldn't do.
Enough with the platitudes. Relationships and commitment and monogamy have taken on so many different meanings that we can no longer just apply cliched rules and responses to every situation.
