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Life As An Asexual

Not wanting sex has its perks.

"Hello?" I'll ask warily.

I'll hear sniffles, sobs and a lot of blubbering. This is not a good sign. Then, "It's me."

It may not be the same friend calling, but the stories never seem to vary. "We broke up. I don't know how it happened. It was just so fast. Another argument. I don't know."

They always call me, and always with a remarkably similar set of relationship woes. One friend once told me that if all else failed, I should become a relationship counselor. I was an excellent listener, she explained, and I possessed an objectivity which the vast majority of people out there lacked.

Why? Because I identify as asexual, meaning I'm not interested in sex or being in a relationship. At all. More from Lemondrop: I Moved for a Guy—and I'm Not a Bad Feminist Because of It

By definition, an asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction in any form. In his famous report on sexuality, Alfred Kinsey estimated that a little more than 1 percent of the population could be classified "asexual," and more recent studies put the number in that neighborhood but suggest there are more who can't, won't or don't identify as such.

I first realized that I was asexual a few years ago, when a friend noted that I never showed interest in men or women. "You're indifferent to most of the relationships you have been in," she'd said. "Is it possible that you're asexual?" I'd never really given a name to it, but I knew she was right. I've honestly never been interested in any member of the same or opposite sex in a way that is even close to romantic. More from Lemondrop: 16 of Your Trickiest Sex and Love Questions Answered

I'm Asexual, but I'm Not a Robot

This is not to say that I have no appreciation at all for what is physically beautiful or aesthetically appealing in others. In the past, I have often tried to imagine myself with the people that I have shown some kind of interest in, but I realized in retrospect that this "attraction" was never more than friendly or purely appreciative. I can certainly admire the looks of an attractive person, but I feel no sexual or romantic desire for them. 

It gets thrown into sharp focus sometimes. On a recent trip to the beach, my friends put on their bikinis, slathered themselves in oil and worried about angling themselves in the most flattering positions for passing dudes. Clothes don't make me feel sexy (uh, nothing does) so I dressed in a T-shirt and shorts, equally indifferent to the bodies around me, whether it's was men with washboard abs and surfboards or girls doing acrobatic things to get their attention. My friends don't understand—but I just laugh and roll my eyes. It's almost kind of a good feeling to know that I have a life that doesn't involve the constant pursuit of sex. More from Lemondrop: Can Women Really Enjoy *That* Kind of Sex

Written by Katherine Chen for Lemondrop.

More from Lemondrop:

Can you relate?

Discussion

BookMama Married Happily Married
Posted 3 weeks ago

I think it's great if people want to have an asexual lifestyle, but I can't help wondering. Sex is an amazing thing for most people and maybe it would be worth taking hormones if you had really low levels. What do other people think?

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Lyz Married Community Manager
Posted 3 weeks ago

I think if she is happy and has no desire to engage in the messy world of sex, no need to change that. I do think there is something both wonderful and frustrating about attraction, but if she's happy, whos to say we have it right?

Although it would be interesting if she did an experiment. Took hormones and then compared life as an asexual to life as not.

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