30-Something Women Have Babies On The Brain

By The Frisky posted Oct 28th 2009 2:00PM

When you hit thirty, your biological clock begins ticking, and loudly.

Ask almost any childless women in her 30s to name five things that have been on her mind lately, and there's a good chance she'll mention her biological clock. It may not be the first thing she names—her career, the economy, saving for a house, her parents' health, the health of her relationship, finishing her dissertation, fitting back into her skinny jeans, and finding someone to share her life with may be getting more of her attention; but for a vast majority of us, the idea of having kids is something we think about nearly as much, if not more, than almost everything else. After all, our biological clocks and the issues of when, whether, and how long we have left to procreate determine so many other variables in our life. And for those of us who wait until our 30s—a quickly growing number of us these days—it's a decision we face when the stakes are especially high. The Frisky: Girl Talk: My Biological Clock Is Broken

One friend of mine, Amy*, has been married for several years and has big, blow-out arguments with her husband "every three months or so" over when they're going to start a family. He keeps saying "one day" as he has for the last few years, and she, at 34, says "one day" needs to be now(ish). "I go through phases, though," she confides to me over dinner. "For one week all I can think about is babies—it's usually triggered when I hear about yet another friend getting pregnant or having a kid—but then it passes and I'm fine for the next month or so. ... I do want a baby, though," she adds, thoughtfully, "and soon. I just don't know if I can wait that much longer." The Frisky: 10 Reasons Not To Have Kids Yet…Or Ever

April, another woman I know, who's single and just a few weeks shy of 30, says she's so sure she wants a baby (sooner rather than later) that she won't date anyone who isn't at least "reading the same book, if not on the same page." She says she usually finds a way to subtly bring up the topic after a few weeks of dating and if the guy is adamantly opposed to children, she quits seeing him. "It's just too important to me to risk falling in love with someone who doesn't want them, only to have to end things because my desire to have kids is non-negotiable and so is their desire not to," she explains. She is, however, amenable to dating a guy who's on the fence about children. "I tend to think men don't have the same innate desire to breed the way women do," she says. "They have to be convinced, or, uh, just put in the position where, "GUESS WHAT?! We're having a baby!" because I firmly believe every guy, unless he is a sociopath, will love his child more than anything in the world and will be so, so, so happy about the wonderful changes a baby brings to his life." The Frisky: Girl Talk: How Soon Is Too Soon To Talk About Kids?

What worries her more than falling for someone who doesn't want kids, she declares, is not falling for someone who does until it's too late for them to have biological children together without "an a**load of help." She says she'll consider having a child on her own before that happens, but that the thought of having kids "without a partner is kinda sad." The Frisky: MERRIme, A Web Comedy About Online Dating

She echoes the thoughts of many women her age and older who have anxiety about finding Mr. Right before their biological clock stops ticking for good. "I'm fine being single," admits Kelly, a woman in her mid-30s. "I have a fulfilling job, a wonderful circle of friends, and I'm financially and emotionally independent. But I do want kids one day and I really can't imagine raising them without a partner." She's not currently seeing anyone and isn't actively looking, so Kelly worries that by the time she meets someone she wants to have children with, she may not be able to any more "the old-fashioned way." "It makes me wonder if I should be putting more effort into dating," she muses.