Diary Of A Former Fat Girl: Sex And The Scale
A formerly overweight newlywed discovers that feeling sexy on her honeymoon is not about being thin.
Tucks of skin trickled out from a pink, tropical bikini top. My half-naked body glared back at me from the unforgiving gleam of a fitting room mirror as I modeled a two-piece suit, gripped to the grooves of my body.
It was the day every woman dreads, the day we wish we hadn't eaten that cheesecake the night before, the day we regret skipping last week's workouts, the day we subject our naked bodies to bright lights and full-length mirrors. It was bathing suit shopping day. Staring perplexed at my reflection, I tugged at the corners of bikini number twelve. Eleven failed attempts at finding a sexy suit swung from plastic hangers on the hook of the door.
"Well, how's it looking?" my best friend Pamela asked from outside the door.
"Flat, saggy, and hopeless," I thought to myself as I took one last look.
At the time, I was running four miles a day, panting through countless crunches, and bleeding sweat on the Stairmaster at the gym, and for what? Well, like every other woman in America, I wanted to feel sexy. But more than that, I wanted to look sexy for my soon-to-be husband. I was two months from getting married. My hunt for sultry lingerie and swimsuits for our Cancun honeymoon had sent me into hysterics.
I was also a virgin, so in a way, the stakes were even higher for my wedding night. No Sex Before Marriage? He Made Her Wait
Nothing fit right. My breasts looked as shapeless as deflated beach balls and had the texture of tissue paper. My tummy was scarred with spidery stretch marks and excess skin. 7 Greatest Things About Having A Small Chest
Three years before, I'd had epic breasts. Robust double Ds had poured forth from my voluptuous V-neck when I weighed my heaviest: 230 lbs. But despite the bounty beneath my brassiere then, guys wanted nothing to do with me. They say that "it's what's on the inside that counts," but years of dateless Friday nights made me feel as hollow as the empty tube of Pringles at my bedside. Inner Beauty: What Men Don't Tell You
At nineteen years old, I had never been kissed. My girlfriends said I just hadn't found "the one," but I was convinced it was because I was big.
Never before had I wanted something as badly as I wanted to be thin, so during my sophomore year of college, I decided to chuck the fake cheese for good. A $20 gym membership and a pair of Nikes eventually helped me shed ninety pounds. At last, at 20 years old, I slipped my hips into a size eight.
A couple of months after I'd lost the weight, I got my first kiss. It was on the beach at sunset with a guy I didn't end up dating, but he was handsome and kind. More importantly, he liked me. And that was a feeling I'd never experienced. How To Kiss Well
Discussion
Brokenglass911, as someone who was 250 lbs, I can tell you that yes, 230 is fat. In fact, the average woman is 5'6", and at 230lbs, your BMI says Obese!
At 250lbs, every trip I took to the dressing room ended in tears. Even when I lost weight and got down to 185lbs, every trip to the dressing room ended in tears. Items don't fit correctly, and why would they? They're just a bigger version of clothes that were designed to fit a size 0.
I'm down to 160lbs, and I'm finally starting to like what I see in the mirror. I do, however, have the stretch marks that were spoken of in the article. I look at them now as proof of how far I've come, physically. I'm learning to love my body. It isn't easy, but I'm learning.
Well, I hate to be rude, but 230 pounds is not fat, unless you're 4 feet tall. Tyra Banks had her whole weight controversy last year I believe and she weighed almost 170lbs and looked as awesome as ever and Anna Nicole Smith (RIP) weighed nearly 180lbs at the time of her death. So, while 230lbs might be overweight (depending on height), it's not what I consider "fat." The average woman in America is what, a size 14? I have always been big, but I am also 5'10 too...So, I understand the whole fat thing, but 230lbs isn't fat!
I have a friend who sells bras at a dept store and she says that every woman who walks into the dressing room hates her body. Fat, skinny, everyone, which surprises me because I think so many people are beautiful. So, I try to see myself through other people's eyes when I feel ugly and fat. And realize that nobody is looking at me and seeing my faults except for me.
"Confidence and finding my inner sexy is what changed me."
It took me 45 years to learn that. It's the most liberating feeling in the world. I'm still not a size 8 but I'm also far from my biggest size of 24. I'm happy where I'm at. And I'm confident and sexy at the same time.
I couldn't have given myself a greater gift.
