Having The Tough Talks With Men

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Having The Tough Talks With Men

=>The "Are you disease free/I have XXX" talk
- Always be prepared. I'm kind of stunned at how many guys will try to
hook up with women, go home with them and not have any condoms on them.
I think a lot of men expect women to take care of birth control or
assume we're on The Pill and think they are impervious to STDs. Have
condoms on your person, but ask him if he has any protection. If he
doesn't, and the situation really warranted for him to have planned
accordingly, then I'd be wary. That would make me worry that he goes
bareback often. The time is well past where women who carry condoms
look "easy." Listen, call me a big 'ol slut all you want. That's better
than having herpes or HIV. Before the clothes come off, because at that
point neither party is really thinking clearly and will pretty much
believe anything, ask him the last time he was tested and whether or
not he's ever had an STD. Listen to him closely. If your instincts jump
even the slightest bit when he gives you his answer, be on guard. Our
brains know so much more than our conscious mind can process at times.
Trust your gut. I'm going to say this and it might be a tad
controversial...but this whole "we agreed to both get tested before we
slept together/once we decided I'd go on the Pill/before we went
bareback" thing is a bunch of hooey. We say that because we want to
look responsible. But the reality is, you shouldn't be waiting for a
relationship to get tested anyway. And few men are in a rush to go to a
doctor and have their pee pee prodded and swabbed. And guys, let me
tell you, it takes sometimes weeks to months for women to get an
appointment with their gyno or even Planned Parenthood. That's why you
have to be vigilante and up to snuff with signs/symptoms of STD
infection, genital warts, herpes, etc. People will and do lie. If you
have herpes or HIV or any other STD, then that's something you bring up
well before you ever get to the point where the clothes come off. Just
come out with it, but be informed and be able to walk them through what
your particular condition actually means for you and them. Know the
risks, know the likelihood of infection and tell your partner.
Depending on where you live, you may not have a legal obligation to
disclose this information, but you do have a moral one. And avoid, at
all costs, the "how many partners have you had" talk. It's irrelevant
and none of your business..or his.

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