=>The "Ok, should I stay or should I go?" conversation after a casual hook-up -
So, there you are, basking in the afterglow of totally anonymous sex.
Small talk, small talk, small talk...and......scene. So, who exits
stage left first? You do. Or at least you should be the one to bring up
whether you should stay or go. (Another reason why you should take a
guy back to your place if you're going to hook up..it's not safe for a
woman to be out hailing a cab at 2am or taking the subway. Plus, it's
cold out there!) Wait to see how he acts afterwards. More than likely,
he's falling asleep because that's just the biological response for the
male brain after climaxing. They're spent. The last thing they want to
do is get up, get dressed and walk you tot he door, let alone the
corner. If he gets all snuggly, and you're okay with that, then enjoy
it. But if it is just a casual hook up then you really don't want to
fall in to that trap and then get attached. If he's groggy and just
laying there, just start getting dressed. If he seems surprised, don't
fall for it. He doesn't want to look like a dick. Just say you had fun,
tell him to take care and leave. Yes, you can figure out his super
duper confusing door/lock situation on your own.
=>The "What are you looking for?" talk
- Date three at the earliest, and definitely before you sleep together.
Remember, a guy is going to wait as long as possible to have that
conversation. Not necessarily because he's trying to use you but
because he needs to feel like he's moving along on his terms. Pull this
one out on date one and you look like you've got the wedding all
planned and just need to cast a groom. How do you broach this subject?
You simply ask the question and tell him why you're asking. "I just
want to know if you're looking for something casual or looking to
actually date someone because I'm looking for XXX." Don't bring up
commitment or long term potential. Saying that you're looking to date
someone is fine. He'll get the message. As obtuse as some guys can be,
almost all guys know that most women aren't looking to be part of some
guy's harem. No need to tell him you've been hurt in the past or that
guys have let you down. Don't heap all that on him because then he's
going to feel obligated.