Name: Calypso | Location: NYC , |Question: Moxie, I met "Bob" at the end of the summer. At first we hungout as friends. He'd invite me to happy hour w/ his friends and I'd do the same. One night while out and drinking we shared our first kiss. I went home with him that evening but nothing happened. He gave me pajamas and we shared the same bed but that was it. We didnt have sex . We hungout a few more times after that. The last time we hungout turned from simple happy hour drinks to 2 days in his apt - at the end of the night he asked me to come home with him (we both called off work and stayed glued on his sofa watching tv, eating food and making out from thurs night until sat morning BUT no sex again). Since those 2 days we've texted some, Facebook'ed some but that is it. I've invited him out a couple of times but he couldn't come (friends in town and sick). He texted me last week to see if I was hanging out but I wasn't. I'm really attracted to this guy. We have things in common. He makes me laugh etc etc. What's my next move? I'd like to see where this thing (if it's even that) could lead. Is there anything for me to even react on? Do you even think he's inerested? |Age: 32 There is no next move for you. If he's interested, he'll get in touch with you and ask you out. He won't send you that last minute text to see what you're up to because he has no other plans. I know you think he was being a gentleman by not pushing for sex, but all he was doing was hoping you'd change your mind. And really, if you're going to play house for two days, you should be putting out. Or you shouldn't be playing house. It's bad enough when women blow off previously made plans for some guy who contacts her last minute. But work? When people are getting laid off left and right? That's just foolish. That would actually make me think less of the guy. Unless you're actually sick, you go to work. Never show a guy that level of interest so soon, especially when you're not even dating . You're giving him way too much power. That goes for first dates, too. You agree to meet for drinks, meet for drinks. Not drinks, then dinner than a night at a club. Those dates shouldn't come until you know there's an actual direction for this relationship. Dates where the guy encourages you to stay out and drink? Bad sign. The first few dates should be ones where you can actually get to know each other, not shout over music and swap sloppy, drunken kisses. First date ? 90 minutes to two hours MAX. Make up an excuse or actually have other plans and leave. This is why I don't do Friday or Saturday evening (8pm or later) dates. A guy who leaves those nights wide open for a first date screams "I'm just looking to get laid." I had a first date about 3 weeks ago. It was an early Sunday night. After two and a half hours, I announced that I had to go home. I could tell by the look on his face he had expected me to go back home with him. Which, looking back on it, made me wonder if that's how his typical first dates go. I didn't, of course got the "I have a lot on my plate" message about a week later. Mystery solved, no harm done, I had a fun night out with a sexy guy and he bought me a couple glasses of wine and some salmon. But if I had hung out with him at the bar for much longer, I would have been pretty bummed when he blew me off. When a guy wants to get to know you and try to have a real relationship, he's not going to contact you last minute. He's going to make plans. And if the 2 days you spent together holed up in his apartment meant to him what it seems to mean to you...HE'D CALL YOU. Or at the very least email you at your personal email address. (and that's pushing it.) Not facebook you or IM you. Any guy who invites you to hang in his house for two days is looking for sex. Period. If he had wanted to get to know you, he'd have gone about it much differently. He wouldn't keep inviting you to bars to "hang out" with him and his friends. He'd want to be alone with you so he could spend quality time with you. Somewhere along the line, women have started settling for less. Why? Tell me. Why? I mean, I know that the odds are against us in terms of sheer math. But, really? When did we start getting all giddy over the fact that a guy Facebook messaged us and shot us a text last minute? What happened to expecting a phone call or requiring a guy make plans with us in advance? When did we start giving men the edge and a free pass to be lazy? Have we all just given in to the idea that we must accept what we can get or else be passed over? We're not teenagers. So, when did our love lives become some afterschool special about peer pressure? FRIEND REQUEST ME ON FACEBOOK - http://www.facebook.com/christanmarashio FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER FOR CAREER&DATING TIPS/ARTICLE- http://twitter.com/Moxieinthecity READ OUR DATING ADVICE BLOG HERE: http://www.AndThatsWhyYoureSingle.com
