You felt like a lucky woman when your husband offered to stay home while you went out and earned the dough, until you walked in on him chatting online with other moms as your kids are watching cartoons. Don't get mad, make quiche, says author of Eat Your Feelings: Recipes for Self-Loathing, Heather Whaley. According to her, there's nothing like stuffing your face, crying, and then looking in the mirror and saying that it's not your fault—even if it is, technically, your fault. When you've come home to find your unemployed boyfriend playing video games instead of vacuuming, try the recipe below—you don't need to be married or a mom to appreciate cooking as therapy.
Reluctant Breadwinner's Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-At-Home Dads
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1 whole-wheat pie crust
2/3 cup heavy cream
1 cup milk
Large hunk of Swiss cheese, grated
1 Tbs. butter
Rush home from soul-destroying but well-paying job to spend time with your children. Find husband chatting with mommies on urbanbaby.com while children watch Noggin. Give dirty look to husband. When he says, "What? Dora enhances children's language skills and interpersonal relationships," give him a second dirty look. When he turns back to the computer to tell his online mommy friends how controlling and judgmental you are, give him a swat to the back of the head. Husband Takes Wife's Name
In kitchen, poke holes in a piecrust and preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Line crust with aluminum foil and fill with dried beans and pie weights. Bake in oven for 15 minutes or until golden brown. Slice onion into paper-thin rounds and ask yourself why you married a man who claimed to be an artist but never really created anything. Ask yourself why that didn't occur to you before you had three children. Saute onion in butter, over low heat, until golden and caramelized.
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Beat together eggs, cream, and milk. Season with salt and pepper. When husband announces he has a "gig" as a DJ at a bar mitzvah next weekend, just ignore it. Grate cheese and spread it around piecrust. Top with onions. Place crust on a baking sheet to avoid spills in the oven—Lord knows, you'll have to clean it up yourself. Enjoy brief fantasy of husband cooking and cleaning, wearing an apron, and handing you a cocktail when you walk in the door. Snap back to reality when he tells you he needs a little "mad money" because he's having lunch with the ladies from Baby Yoga tomorrow. Think that if you had known you would be the sole breadwinner for a family of five, you might have majored in economics or math rather than anthropology with a minor in theater arts. Career And Family: Can We Really Have Both?
Realize that if you had not minored in theater arts, you might never have met your husband. Sigh.