Wedding Etiquette : "and guest"

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Wedding Etiquette : "and guest"

Did you know that if you are not in a long-term relationship, you are suppose to
decline the “and guest” portion of a wedding invitation?…geez…thanks a lot. I’m
already “partnerily challenged” and now the wedding police have to come in and
prove it?…Nothing like kicking a girl when she’s down. I can hear it now! “She
has no one in her life. Let’s play a bunch of ballads and rejoice in love while
she sits at the table by herself.” Thanks! I needed that. I was just in the
middle of feeling like I had a reason to live. I appreciate you sending me an
invitation to your wedding. I’m very happy for you! Would you like me to wear
taffeta and an intense amount of blue eye shadow too?…I’ll do that for you…cause
that’s the kind of selfless caring girl that I am. I’ll even buy you a gift for
that house that you have already lived together in for 3 years!

What
exactly is the amount of time that you need to be “with” a person before they
are considered an “and guest?” There should be a checklist:

  • Do you know
    the person’s middle initial?
  • Do you know whether the person is married or
    not (We’d hate for you to run into his wife’s cousin and spoil our day)?
  • Have you taken him to Thanksgiving or another major holiday? (This one
    doesn’t work for me because I’d bring anyone to the holidays so I can entertain
    myself with inside jokes about how I’ll probably never bring him again)
  • Do
    you say, “We’re seeing each other?” or “This is my boyfriend?”

All in
all, I can’t imagine being with someone long enough to consider him a
“significant other.” I guess I’ll be the one who sits alone at the table with
someone’s grandmother’s pick for me. I’m sure he’s a nice boy but his lack of
social skills and bitter resentment for the opposite sex are mind-numbing!
Thanks for trying though. I’ll clear the tables for you instead of cluttering
your “big day” with the laughter and fun that I might have had if I had brought a
date.

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