Are You Single Because Of Where You Live?

A city considered "best for singles" (like those released on Forbes' annual list) can actually translate into "worst for finding a life-partner." This year, for example, Forbes picked New York as number one, but anyone who's watched Sex and the City knows it's not easy to settle down in the Big Apple. Take Twanna Hines, 34, a relationship blogger known as "Funkybrownchick," who moved to Manhattan in 2005, a few months before she started chronicling her dating life online.

"Coming from Illinois, the dating scene was unexpected for me," she says, "It was so easy to find dates. I met so many interesting men every night I went out." However, almost five years later, she hasn't had an actual boyfriend in the city. Still, she sees the delay as a function of looking for the right partner, not just taking what's there: "Finding a relationship is much more difficult and challenging than it is to get dates—but when you do, it's that much more rewarding because you're finding someone who is a good match for you, rather than the best match out of the five people available to you back at home."

People living in the suburbs, however, often feel they can't be as choosy. Julie, 30, a former city-dweller who moved back home to Brick, New Jersey, to start graduate school says, "The single friends I grew up with are always so into every guy they meet and jump into relationships with the next guy when something doesn't work out with the old one. It seems fake. Don't you think if meeting a guy was so easy I would have had a boyfriend after so many years of living in the city?"

Julie is single, but she wants to focus on school and a new career path. "It's definitely harder to date in the suburbs because all my friends are in relationships and everyone I meet is either a friend from childhood, not my type, or someone I keep seeing around town. There's nobody new!" She plans on giving the online dating scene a try to avoid making the next guy that asks for her number into a long-term thing, even if he's not quite right for her. 

For city girls, keeping in touch with suburban friends in long-term relationships can create added pressure to find a boyfriend and make them feel discouraged about their current situations.