Are You Single Because Of Where You Live?
Dating in the city is easy, but does finding long-term love require a move to the suburbs?
Single adulthood used to be a brief moment between adolescence and marriage. Today, according to one study, the median age of a first marriage is rising for both men and women, and singles make up 41 percent of American adults 18 and older.
In places like New York City, Miami and Los Angeles, singles rule the scene. Thousands of ambitious, good-looking men and women flock to these and other urban centers aiming to work hard and party even harder. But many of these singles don't prioritize relationships and commitment, and can have a hard time securing a partner once they decide they want one. Why are so many people having difficulties finding the one? The city itself might be part of the problem. How The Recession Forever Changed Relationships
"In a lot of cities where professional status really matters, people focus on their careers, valuing their jobs over quality of life—things like relationships, marriage and kids get put on the back burner," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and relationship counselor and author of Passionista. In cities, "there is a higher proportion of eligible, interesting people, so the need to settle down doesn't feel as much as a priority." Why Am I Still Single?
Most people assume that the opportunities for meeting Mr. or Ms. Right in urban environments are better than in suburbs or smaller towns. While that might be true, men and women move to big cities with high expectations of finding someone who matches their needs, making them less likely to settle down with any given person.
"I figured when I moved to Manhattan that I'd have better luck meeting someone just because of the sheer number of single women," says Eric, 28, a literary agent. "I'm very picky and will focus on what I don't like about someone because I know there is the potential to meet someone else who may have everything I do like. By living in a big city I knew my odds were better." Does Mr. Right Exist?
Mara, 24, a sales representative in fashion living in Manhattan also looks for ever-greener grass. "Usually, I never make it past the third date. It just falls apart, partly because I'm only half interested. In a lively city with a good nightlife, there's always something to do and an abundance of single, attractive men, so if I'm not that into him by the third date anyway, I don't mind staying single until I meet someone else."
Discussion
So....what the heck are you trying to say?!?!? You're all over the map and it doesn't even make sense. People are single because of the way they are, think, behave...their personal circumstances...and then some reach a certain age when it's simply much harder to find a partner since everyone around their age group is already paired up. What's the big mystery? Many people who are married are unhappy, complain, dead inside, stressed....
For sure...it's good to be with someone. It's also good to be alone. Where you live has NOTHING to do with it. The only thing that has to do with being alone or single is THE PERSON in question. Geez.
I dont' agree with this article at all. Men don't want to date you if you live too far away.
but they want to settle down with you in a small town. The City is better if you are looking to meet mr. right. small town living is hard unless you are a farmer.
This simple post made me laugh out loud. It's really all we need to do to be happy in our relationships, isn't it? Be conscious of what we can reasonably do for each other (unreasonable would be to do things for people that they should be doing for themselves so that their own growth isn't stunted) and then do it, simply because we wish to make each other happy. When we trust that these things have a way of balancing themselves out, we don't need to keep score, and miraculously these things do balance themselves out. As long as both people truly care, which usually they do, and neither one of them has deep-seated narcissistic or insecurity issues. If they do, they need to take care of that first, and then come back into the relationship world and practice giving the goodness of themselves to others who are also emotionally healthy. Thank-you for the moment of fun and profoundness in my day. XX
Gosh, all this date and mate baiting! PHEW, it's enervating. The crux of the matter most evident herein is not the need to find a potential partner floating in the broth of Big City or Suburban gene pools but that these people are not yet ready to make any commitment let alone take THE PLUNGE. If one's lifestyle and career is centrifugal to ego and ethos so be it. Enjoy. You're entitled. Translating these profiled protagonists' world-is-my-oyster statements accurately reflects our society's consumerist throw-away mindset. Best they remain single until they grow up and into themselves.
Too much BS about "relationships". There seems to be too much pressure on having a "relationship". Why? All I care about is a fun booty-call maybe a one night stand, going to the clubs. dancing, so I can get to the next episode.!!
Anyway money is where it's at. Money talks big time and yes you can buy love or reasonable facsimile. Since women look for a "provider" it's better to do a business arrangement. That way one gets what one wants and when one is tired hires another. Happiness!!
The reason there are so many married in the suburbs is that it is worth it to drive an hour and a half to work and back each day to get away from the nagging yenta and screaming kids.
The city dwellers in the article seem to have a false view of the suburbs. Suburbs are not like old-fashioned small towns where you married your high school sweetheart and settled down. The suburbs I live in are full of people who came from somewhere else. Single people would have a hard time affording a house here. Many of us bought houses so we could have a yard and good schools for our kids.
So the choice is not stay in the suburbs and marry your high school sweetheart versus live in the big city and spend your life looking for someone.
The author keeps saying the same thing, and it has nothing to do with the city you live in, even though that's what the article is about, she didn't focus there. What she is saying is people in general don't "settle" for just any one anymore, they keep thinking there is the chance of meeting someone better! It's happening across all cultures. As for Mara who wonders if she could have stayed home, got married and had a career, well, I'll tell you from watching my students I think so. I wish I had the guts to do what they are doing. My students are getting married right out of high school and going on to become pharmacists, doctors, nurses, teachers.... etc. It might take a little longer cuz most take fewer courses in order to keep up with all their responsiblities, but they get through it just fine, and they have the love and support of a spouse. Turns out my students are smarter than me!
This article is kind of chicken and egg. If you have kids and are married you tend not to prefer to live inside big cities. But if you are single, the big city life works out. So maybe your relationship status is not a function of where you live, maybe where you live is a function of your relationship status.
