Lila here~ Flipping through a recent Cosmopolitan the other day, I was drawn to the title of an article called “Bacon Sex.” You might think it was the Sex that drew me, but really it was the Bacon. I am shamelessly addicted to bacon, and the thought of combining with another thing I adore was intriguing.
The Bacon, in this case, referred to Kevin Bacon, the actor. Cosmo had asked him the secret to his long and lusty marriage. His answer was short, sweet, and dead-on: “keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.”
Unfortunately, most people don’t know how to fight cleanly. What is a clean fight, anyways? For one thing, you fight about the thing that’s bothering you in the moment rather than digging up the skeletons of past arguments. You also take the time to get clear inside on why you’re really upset. You make your points and state your case using “I” statements and feeling statements rather than casting blame and judgments. Think about it: how do you feel when someone’s judging you? I know for me, when I hear “you never…” I want to prove that person right and never do what they want me to do. Not the most mature response, I realize, but I think it’s everyone’s natural reaction. Lastly, you clean up after yourself. You make sure that you and your partner have the same understanding about the resolution to the fight. You might say, “What I heard you say is…” And then you honor your part of the resolution and keep to your agreement.
Keeping the sex dirty is about being willingness to stretch to the edge of, and perhaps a little beyond, your comfort zone. For one person, that might mean doing it doggie style, while for another it could be a full BSDM getup. The degree doesn’t matter; it’s playing on the edge that counts. Keeping the sex dirty is also about mixing it up. If you always have sex the same way and the same times, it will get very boring. Try something new: one of the listeners to our radio show had this suggestion. He and his wife had a “Fantasy Jar” on their fireplace mantle. They would place a written fantasy in the jar, and every once in awhile they’d take the jar out and choose a fantasy. They took turns with whose fantasy would be in play, which is a great idea. Heck, forget every once in awhile, the Booty Doctors recommend trying a new fantasy once a week!
So remember, keep the fights clean and the sex dirty for a long and lusty relationship.