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Open Relationship Closing a Door?

Love, Family

I am in love with my best friend. We have done everything together for the past six years, which I believe has resulted in this dilemma. Our love is fierce and undying no matter what obstacles have been thrown in our path. We were engaged about a year into our relationship (way too soon!!) yet we never planned anything, Soon after, some of our financial and personal affairs began to crumble. We also had a few threesomes that I believe hurt my ego and confused him. That is when my love told me to move out. I did. He then began to ignore me, so I told him it was over. I began dating someone else. I told my love what was going on and he freaked out. His friends thought he was going to kill himself, he almost lost his job...etc... We had many discussions about the situation and in the end we got back together. When he asked me if I had slept with the man I had been seeing, he was so upset, I lied and said no. Just as a side note that is about the only time in our relationship that I lied. My best friend had lied to me on numerous occasions. Anyway, our relationship continued and things were good at times, wonderful at others and horrible every now and then when I would get upset that we were not engaged again. I suppose I was scared that he would change his mind again; I loved him so much I never wanted such a thing to happen. Honestly I believe that we had both been so hurt in the past by each other we became like super glue. We never did anything without each other. It became redundant and repetitive. Even our sex life began to suffer. Not in a horrible way but sometimes it was like having sex with my brother. We just exchanged fart jokes and now we are supposed to be all hot and bothered? Then, on some fateful night after way too much to drink I let the lie that I had kept for four long years escape my lips. Everything began to change. I apologized and explained myself for two weeks. We fought and cried. Nothing could mend his broken heart. He began to come home later and later from work. When we were together it was so uncomfortable. This went on for two months...until...I found his work phone and found the horrible evidence: a naked picture of another woman. I drank a bottle of wine. He came home and I was actually quite calm (I am not dumb and had suspected it the entire time.) My best friend said he was sorry and he wanted to only be with me. We would work on it. I mean, we loved each other so much! Everything would be fine. Wrong! We fought for the next three months. I just could not let it go. We both had changed so much and so had our feelings for each other. I would tell him to get out, he would tell me he was leaving and so on and so forth. Then finally I came home and he was gone. I called him and he came home for the night and we cried. He went to live with his friend, but the first week he came home three times. I found out he was dating the girl he had cheated on me with. We discussed it. We truly wanted to stay friends. We said we were each others family. The girl told him he was not allowed to see me anymore. He told her no. I began dating someone else as well. My best friend and I began dating again. We told each other we want to get married someday and have children together. We are just not ready now. We continue to date the other people. We just went on vacation for four days and had an amazing time. Our sex life is becoming amazing as well. He came over today, we painted together, watched our favorite show and fooled around like porn stars. Then I believe he went to see her. Now I am the other woman. She doesn't know we sleep together and go on dates. She doesn't know he tells me he loves me. She doesn't know he touches and rubs me with all of the love I could ask for. It's like we have flip flopped. I am too good to be the other woman. What the fuck am I doing? I am in an open relationship, but I am starting to believe I should close it even though the love I have for him is so genuine and strong.


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