OPEN SCENE: MOM and DAUGHTER are walking through a sunny vale.
Daughter: "Mom, is there ever a time that you feel, not so virginal?"
Mom: "Of course, sweetheart. I've been married to your father for 30 years and had you and your brother and sister."
Daughter: "I know mom, but I just want to wear white for the wedding, not mother-of-pearl or 'hussy white.'"
Mom: "Oh, is there something I should know about? You know
Milhouse Danny Peterman doesn't count."
Daughter: "Hah, tell me about it. It's just that Keith's family is really old fashioned and they expect a little spotting on the wedding night sheets."
Mom: "Oh, honey don't you know about the Chinese-made virginity restoration kit?"
Daughter: "No, what's that?"
Mom: "It's simple. You just insert this tab, do what comes natural and enjoy your wedding night."
Daughter: "Wow mom, thanks. How did you know about this?"
Mom: "How do you think I tricked your father?"
According to the New York Daily News, a Chinese company, Gigimo, has been selling a kit to fake one's virginity (retails for about $30 and could be called "priceless" in a Visa ad). Some conservatives in Egypt do not care for this kind of "innocence" chicanery, however. Read: Lose Your Virginity Kit
Sheik Sayed Askar, on the parliamentary counsel for religious affairs, thinks that the kit will provide too great of a temptation to otherwise pious women. He's familiar with the old adage that "locks keep the honest from becoming dishonest," it appears and with the lesser known adage, "women will use Chinese-made kits to fake their virginity if we don't watch them carefully." A mostly-maverick in the Middle East's sex advice game, Heba Kotb (the Egyptian Dr. Ruth) notes that there are other procedures to fake an intact hymen and that a little blood is not the only sign of virginity. Read: Muslim Women Go To Extremes To Re-Establish Virginity
This would be actually funny if there wasn't a chance that a less-than-chaste woman could be hurt or killed by her husband's family for perceived impiety. As crazy as it sounds, hymen repair may count as progress until certain double standards are removed from particular cultures. Read: Thongs For Abstinence