Pinkee here~ I jotted this down one day as a topic and just came across it again recently. These days, I think it’s more of a decision than it used to be. In the past, folks didn’t even wonder whether they should. They just did it. And I sure know a lot of them that later regretted it, got divorced, and/or stayed in an unhappy marriage.

So, given the above and our recent Booty Doctors discussions about the likelihood that monogamy is a socially constructed (and not a natural) thing, I suggest that the decision be more of WHETHER to marry, not necessarily WHEN to marry.

There are two good reasons I can honestly think of to get married:

1. You want to have at least a socially monogamous relationship (if not sexually monogamous) and you plan to have children together. As the mother of a teenage daughter, I know that being different from other kids is surely not what most teenagers want. And, having parents who are not married is surely going to make one different, even these days.

2. You want the tax break. Personally, I don’t think this is a good enough reason, but, hey, maybe to you it is.

On the other hand, I can think of lots of good reasons not to get married:

1. You don’t want to. If there is a part of you that pictures yourself being dragged to the altar screaming, don’t do it. Don’t do it to please your mate, or your parents, or anyone else.

2. If, at some point, you should change your mind, it is not an easy process to get divorced, especially when compared to just moving out. And let’s face it, moving is hard enough!

3. Marriage is not a sacred thing. It was made up by people. Who wanted to control other people with religion. And, it was also for the very practical purpose of knowing who would be the heir to a man’s land when he died. And, the custom of the woman taking the man’s name also comes from a very practical tradition. It was so that when men bought women as their property and wives, all would know who owned her. Do you really want to participate in something that has its roots in things like this?

4. So you won’t gain 50 pounds! Let’s face it, guys, (and ladies)- the contentedness of really knowing that you have each other, forever, can also come with a much bigger pant size!

5. So that in general, you won’t take each other for granted. Knowing that you and your partner are making a conscious choice every day to stay together, rather than “the vows”, keeps it more real that none of us really “has” each other after all.

6. So you won’t go down to having sex once a month. The stereotype that your sex life dries up after you get married? It’s more true than most married folks would probably like to admit! I think it’s connected to being able to see your partner as a separate human being. If you’re not fused at the hip, you won’t keep becoming more and more like each other until, before you know it, having sex with your spouse is about as thrilling as having sex with your clone!