I first met Danielle at a pool party in Nantucket more than a year ago. The nearly forty year old beauty came to our clique as a "plus one" at a time when she was struggling with a break-up.
Scads of men sidled up to her, but with her angst pouring liberally along with the wine, it got to the point where everyone started feeling a bit overserved.
Since that time Danielle's gushing performance has become a "table topic" amongst our clan. Then this weekend she was back, this time for brunch, claiming to be "new and improved." But as the saying goes "old habits die hard" and Danielle proved to be no exception. Just minutes had passed before she took center stage, only this time asking anyone who would listen to "fix her"…up.
Until recently I had only come across people like Danielle on shows like the Bachelor, but last year one of my best guy friends ended up with one. Without any sense of pride or purpose, this woman stalked him from Vancouver to Atlanta, until he finally proposed. Now my poor buddy serves as a glorified babysitter, tending to a wife who spends her days taste testing cupcakes and fishing for friends on Facebook. The worst part about his new Mrs. is that her insecurities led to barriers being thrown around their relationship that made them both less approachable and drove most of his friends away.
Here are some tell-tale warning signs you or someone you know may be a desperate dater:
1. When in the company of strangers, do you automatically feel compelled to inquire about fix ups?
2. At a party or out with friends, does your night immediately turn sour if there are no love prospects in the room?
3. Do you have a tendency towards assuming the interests, hobbies and accents of anyone you date?
4. Do you ask dates “where this is going” before ten dates?
5. Will you put your family and friends on hold just to be in a relationship?
6. Have you stayed in dead end relationships hoping they will turn into long-term romances?
7. Do you perform sexual acts believing it will lead to commitment?
I have one plea for you all. Please don't be that desperate dater. When it comes to dating and interpersonal relationships, nothing is less attractive than someone whose identity is wrapped up in finding a mate. So if you want to improve your ratings, leave the high end drama to the networks. Find your passion or purpose, pursue it and own it. And trust that once you start sharing it, people will come to you and you'll be better for it.
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