9. Say something positive—anything at all. Researchers have found that happy couples have a ratio of five positive comments to each negative comment.
10. Think of one quirky thing she does that you love and tell her about it.
11. Ask him what he was like when he was a little kid.
12. Tell him he looks sexy in that shirt (pants, shorts, insert the appropriate item of clothing).
13. Compliment something that he's improved upon.
14. Tell him he makes you a better person, and then tell him how.
15. If you're feeling anxious about something, ask your partner to be your stress absorber. Ask him to listen as you explain what you're worrying about. The catch is that he doesn't have to say anything—no reassurances or offers of assistance. He just has to pay attention to what you're saying and offer you a hug or hold your hand. As you're talking, imagine your stress dissipating as the words leave your mouth.
16. The next time she does something that makes you angry, before you say something about it stop and ask yourself, "What am I really mad about?" Little things can often be masks for deeper issues. If you decide it's a larger issue, hold your tongue and bring it up when you're not mad.
17. Accept her apology. If you've been fighting, and she makes an attempt to reconcile, don't rebuff her.
18. If she holds a notable position in her field (or even if not) remind her of how awesome she is at her job and how it intensifies your amazement of her.
19. Apologize for something you never apologized for, even though you knew it was your fault.
20. Tell her a sexual fantasy you've always felt embarrassed about.
21. If there's a secret you've been wanting to share with him, write a list of five reasons you're afraid to say it, five ways you could phrase it, and five possible reactions he could have. Then pick one phrase and do it.
22. Think about something your partner does that makes you feel bad, but you haven't told him about. (If this doesn't exist for you, great! Skip this one.) Decide what you'd like him to do instead, and tell him about it like this: Next time you're feeling relaxed and loving, say, "I want to tell you something. Sometimes I feel <insert feeling here> when you <whatever it is that makes you feel bad.> Could you do <what he could do instead> instead?"
23. Think about a time when something went wrong between the two of you—a fight, a disappointment, a miscommunication. Ask yourself: What could I have done differently? What could we have done differently? What can we learn from this? Then talk to your partner about it, starting with what you could have done differently.
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