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Life is Crazy and I'm Following it.

Life is Crazy and I'm Following it.

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I moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere.  I planned on finishing my senior year of high school, raise more money then leave as fast as possible, back to where I came from.  I got a job as a waitress at a small restaurant and everything was falling into place.  I had made plans with my friend to get an apartment with her and some others.  But then I guy, who I found out to be 25, came into the restaurant with some of his friends and still a little drunk.  Of course I ended up being their waitress.. and he asked me "Do you want fries with that shake?"  And being my oblivious self, thought nothing of it and walked away (It actually flew right over my head).  He ended up coming back to the restaurant a couple more times.  The second time I noticed him a little more and the third time he showed up again, I then became somewhat interested.  So before I got off my shift we ended up exchanging numbers..  and of course was the beginning of our relationship.  When we first started out, I let him know that I was supposed to move in about three months and we shouldn't take anything too seriously.  So I kept a wall around my heart and made sure I didn't get too attached to him, while he was letting himself fall quickly for me.  I was then beginning to shut myself off from him emotionally, which was when I met another customer who had eyes for me since the first time I also waited on him, he was 30.  He asked me out to the movies, being my stupid soft-hearted-self and not wanting to reject anyone, I said yes.  Then from that day on we started hanging out more often, the whole time I was keeping all of this from my boyfriend.  The second day we hung out, he bought me a $185 necklace, and insisted it was only for friendship and to remember him when I move.  I accepted it, not wanting to reject again, but deep down inside I knew what he wanted no matter what he said.  So we then began seeing each other behind my boyfriends back. 
I constantly talked to my mother, who is 38, about what was going on and how I knew it wasn't right.  But she never like my boyfriend because of nasty rumors, that tend to run deep in small towns, get to her head.  So after two weeks of lying and cheating I could barely stand to look at myself and wanted to throw up knowing that I was laying with two different men, sometimes in the same day.  I just wanted to run away and someone to talk to who could give me at least a little advice.  I was angry with my mother for watching me cheat on my boyfriend and never telling me it was wrong.  She only told me "It's okay Hunny, not like you two are going to last anyway so it's not that big of a deal."  I just wanted to scream at her and tell her how stupid she was to watch her daughter look like a dirty whore, and destroying herself physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Still to this day I'm not able to tell her how much her immaturity and lack of motherly "love" and discipline disgusts me. 
So building enough strength, I told the 30yr old that I no longer wanted to see him because he was 11yrs older than me and had four kids, and I'm too young to watch my life slip away for nothing, even though to this day he still tries to "hang" with me, but that hasn't happened yet.  I'm now continuing my relationship with my first boyfriend.
But to make things complicated again, there's a customer at work who is much older than me, but a very good-looking older man, he's actually 50, so I believe...
He just recently told me  "The only reason why I come in so much is to see you, because you always brighten my days. I love to see you every chance I can get.  I try not to be to obvious about it - don't wanna look toooooo much
like the lonely older man hopelessly infatuated with the beautiful
young woman."
And I know It sounds so wrong, but I am just as happy to see him.  I just wait around half the time hoping he's next customer to walk through the doors.  I feel myself getting all hot and flustered and I tend to catch myself biting my lip around him.  I'm so lost on what to do.
Everyone in this new town wants me to stay except for my mother who doesn't want me to get stuck in a small town like this.  My mind is lost in confusion and I feel as if these impossible choices will never end...
The most odd thing about this all is I'm only 19yrs old, I'm too young for the good-looking 50yr old, who holds much compassion, love, support, stability, and so on that an experienced person in this life has.  I'm too young for the 30yr old, who I see holds nothing for me, not even financial security and the right lovin' I need.  And my whole family thinks I am too young for my first boyfriend of 25yrs.  But I do not believe that.  I'm just a little nervous right now because the "good-looking 50yr old" is coming to see me at work tomorrow and who knows where my young, uncontrollable mind is going to lead myself again...UGH Life Just Pisses Me Off!  

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