The gossipmongers have two incredible bits of news: Firstly, John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are secretly touching uglies and perhaps have been for some a decent amount of time; secondly, John Mayer has been taking moves on Jessica Simpson (recently split from Tony Romo).
More from YourTango: Nicki Minaj's Most Skintastic Instagrams
Take some time to digest all of that, we were had a small bout of hysterical blindness after we read it. While both tales do seem far-fetched, it's almost so crazy that you have to believe it. What we know about the characters involved:
John Mayer is a lover of famous ladies. They're as taken by his looks and singer-songwriter sensuality as a college girl is by, well, guys who take their shirts off and play guitar in their dorm rooms. Maybe it's because many celebrities didn't learn about this sensitive 90's guy shtick because they didn't attend college. Read: Why You Should Reconsider John Mayer
Jessica Simpson is coming off of a breakup just before her 29th birthday. By many accounts, she thought Tony Romo (did anyone notice that he had an outstanding game last weekend, we're starting to think Cowboys fans were onto something) was "the one." Her ex-husband Nick Lachey appears to be unavailable. Read: Did Tony Romo Dump Jess Over Texts From John Mayer?
Jennifer Aniston is casually dating whomever she pleases with not a care in the world. Or she may be approaching a place in which she's ready to declare war on mankind for the transgressions against her (we call this the Sienna Miller Phenomenon).
Again, we have a hard time believing all of this but given what little we know about the players involved, it's conceivable that John Mayer is double-dipping double-time with Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson.
More from YourTango: Sources Speak Out On Khloe Kardashian & Matt Kemp Hookup Rumors
Crap, the gossip said Jessica Simpson didn't know about Jennifer Aniston. Which probably means that Gerard Butler didn't know. So, um. sorry for spilling the beans, John Mayer, this could get punchy.
Photos via Bauer-Griffin (it's a bit dated)