As the Facebook widowmaker, make an effort have a healthier balance between your cyber-life and your real life. Cut back on your Facebook time and expand your relationship face-time. Continue to use the same strategies you used over the weekend by setting parameters around how much time you spend Facebooking, and how much energy you give to your partner. Continue to give your partner status updates through good old-fashioned verbal communication. And invite your partner into your Facebook time by poking them, sending them private messages off-wall, or mentioning them in your on-wall commentary. Fun And Free: A Couples Blog
What Not To Do
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Many frustrated non-Facebookers take the approach, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." They try to "friend" their way to revenge. It's no surprise that they do not tend to enjoy Facebook at all, as they are simply doing it to prove a point. Also, spiteful Facebooking typically results in a relationship with two partners over-emphasizing their cyber life instead of their real one. Instead, continue to be positive and supportive of your partner's efforts to set parameters around Facebook time. Also, please consider that some Facebooking, in moderation, can actually be an enjoyable way to communicate, both with your friends and your lover.
It is likely that both partners will find satisfaction through these joint efforts to be more connected. If you don't feel satisfied by taking this advice—or if you find yourself unable to tear yourself away from Facebook, even for one weekend—you may want to ask yourself how much you have in common with the recovering Facebook junkie quoted above. And if your partner is unable to stick with the parameters above, you may want to re-evaluate your current relationship.
Elisabeth Joy LaMotte LICSW is a social worker and psychotherapist in private practice in Washington, D.C. Her book, Overcoming Your Parents' Divorce, was a finalist in the 2008 National Best Book Awards in the relationship category. Read more about her on www.elisabethlamotte.com.
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