The Secrets Behind Serial Monogamy

Yes, these reasons make a scary amount of sense. But not every serial monogamist I know has been thinking about cultural expectations and evolutionary tendencies. Maybe it's not always a product of these factors, but sometimes prompted by fear of being alone. We all have that co-dependent friend (or "friend") who just can't stand being single. She dumps Jim to date Pedro, and then ends things with him a few months later because she realizes she actually wants to be dating Gabby. After Gabby breaks her heart she starts things up with Jim again, and the circle continues with new characters and the same dialogue.

Sometimes jumping right into a new relationship is just an easy way to be distracted from loneliness, or questioning our desires and ourselves. The urban dictionary defines serial monogamy as spending as little time as possible being single, moving on to a new relationship as quickly as possible after the demise of an old one. Abbreviating the single period helps us avoid asking any questions of an existential nature. Many of the relationship addicts that I read this definition to said there was truth in it.

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It sounds horrible, but I think it's because I value myself on how much other people love and are attracted to me," says Nicole Davis. "If I’m not in a relationship, there must be something wrong with me that makes people not be attracted to me."

That said, we don't have to be insecure to become relationship-dependent. We all know how scary being alone can be after a long-term relationship fizzles. (Hey, no one wants to be the smelly cat lady who hoards miniature silverware and talks to herself while spying on neighbors through the window.)

"Being single can be tough," says Davis. "Sometimes it just seems easier to dive right into the next relationship than to spend some time figuring out what I did wrong."

It Helps Us Figure Out Who We Are

We all change through different relationships. Some partners bring out our romantic side, others, an adventurous streak. Others, some not-so-pretty characteristics. Serial lovers get to express and explore these different components of their personalities with each relationship.