The Death Rattle of a Relationship


Contributor
Heartbreak

Sometimes it isn't so easy to tell when something is over.

Sometimes it isn't so easy to tell when something is over.

You and your sweetie just don't seem to connect as much, or as often as you used to. You fight more (or bicker about insignificant topics,) you find yourself spending more time by yourself. How do you know if it is just a bad patch or if the relationship is over?

As someone who is always waiting for the proverbial break-up truck to run me over, I can say with absolute certainty that the only way you know that a relationship is over is when you feel it. You are depressed more than you are happy. You find yourself longing for good times. You try to bring back that magic spark but you just end up in a spat. You feel incomplete and it is only made worse when they are near. You feel that hope is gone - that the potential of the relationship has been used up, like a single-serving bag of chips. It was good, but it wasn't enough and all that is left is empty.

So what do you do? Do you continue to pick at the crumbs of your relationship? Do you live in denial that things will return to their full glory? Do you wait for the death rattle that signifies that it is truly over?
I suppose there is always a time in a relationship where you have enough foresight to recognize that the end is near. You could even ask yourself if you would rather hurt now or hurt later. You could end it and move forward without the inevitable blame and shame game.

But what if you can't get over the fact that the relationship had the potential to go the distance if only you were willing to not progress? If you didn't want to build a life with that person, or get married or have children - if you were willing to give those things up, you could be happy in your relationship, right? You may say these things, but you know you wouldn't be happy with half a relationship or with an empty bag of chips.

You and your sweetie just don't seem to connect as much, or as often as you used to. You fight more (or bicker about insignificant topics,) you find yourself spending more time by yourself. How do you know if it is just a bad patch or if the relationship is over?

As someone who is always waiting for the proverbial break-up truck to run me over, I can say with absolute certainty that the only way you know that a relationship is over is when you feel it. You are depressed more than you are happy. You find yourself longing for good times. You try to bring back that magic spark but you just end up in a spat. You feel incomplete and it is only made worse when they are near. You feel that hope is gone - that the potential of the relationship has been used up, like a single-serving bag of chips. It was good, but it wasn't enough and all that is left is empty.

So what do you do? Do you continue to pick at the crumbs of your relationship? Do you live in denial that things will return to their full glory? Do you wait for the death rattle that signifies that it is truly over?
I suppose there is always a time in a relationship where you have enough foresight to recognize that the end is near. You could even ask yourself if you would rather hurt now or hurt later. You could end it and move forward without the inevitable blame and shame game.

But what if you can't get over the fact that the relationship had the potential to go the distance if only you were willing to not progress? If you didn't want to build a life with that person, or get married or have children - if you were willing to give those things up, you could be happy in your relationship, right? You may say these things, but you know you wouldn't be happy with half a relationship or with an empty bag of chips.

So do you end it and not look back? Do you brace yourself and rip off that bandage? Do you look for a soft place to land before the deed is done? What is the best way to extricate yourself from a dead relationship?
I guess it depends upon how unbearable it is. If it breaks your heart every time the two of you are together, I personally feel that kills a little bit of your soul. Do you find a replacement before you break up (kind of like grabbing onto another vine when you are still swinging on one,) and in doing so, run the risk of being found out and called a cheater?

You could wait for that death knell. You could mourn the relationship before it is actually over so that it isn't as difficult to recover from once it really is over. But does that really work? I don't believe there is one way to break up. Some people pick fights, some people cheat, some people become so obsessive and weird that it hastens the break up. 

Humans don't want to be rejected. So it is a matter of reject before being rejected, hurt now before you hurt later. Or you could just wait until it is really over, but it takes a strong stomach to watch something die. How strong is your stomach?

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